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chineseinkThis is not the original Kibum bday fic I was originally planning to post, but after my flist exploded with this awesomeness, I had to write something inspired by it. Thanks also to the fantastic people who went !!! at me because they knew I would be !!! as soon as I saw it alskdjfldsk my bias, it is epic. And, god, Donghae, ilhsm. ♥♥
Happy birthday, Kim Kibum~ I love you so hard.
This is KiHae, because apparently I will go down with this ship.
heartbreakers and heartquakers
Super Junior, Kibum/Donghae, PG, 1590 words
It's Kibum's birthday and one person hasn't forgotten, even at two in the morning.
heartbreakers and heartquakers
by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
meiface
It's 2:02AM when his phone rings, a familiar tune breaking into his own melody. Kibum sets the guitar down and reaches across the polished wood of the dance floor for his phone, glad that he's alone. Only one person gets his nostalgic Dancing Out ringtone, and Kibum really isn't up for the knowing looks the manager will surely give him.
It's been too long since he's heard this ringtone, he thinks as he flips the phone open. (How long is too long?) "이동해" blinks brightly up at him from the screen.
"Hello?"
"Kibummie!" The sound of Donghae's voice is a little like a punch to the stomach - a little breathtaking, a little painful. It kickstarts something in Kibum's chest that he's almost forgotten, like part of his life has been on pause for months now and someone's finally remembered to press play. (Go.)
His mind stalls for words as his heart jumps painfully. Thankfully, Donghae barrels on without waiting for a response. "Hi, Kibummie!" he exclaims, sounding as vibrant and alive as always, even at two in the morning. "I just realized it's past midnight, so it's your birthday now. Happy birthday!"
Kibum smiles involuntarily. "Thank you, hyung."
"Where are you?"
"Ah, in the studio." He adds, "Practicing."
"Oh so am I! Which one are you in, I'll come see you!" Donghae's enthusiasm is uncontained and contagious. Kibum is still smiling when he hangs up after telling him which studio, and when his manager walks into the room a minute later, he raises an eyebrow at Kibum sitting on the floor, smiling like a lunatic at the guitar in his lap. He probably looks like a fool. He feels like a fool. But when it's Donghae...Kibum never cared. Evidently, he still doesn't.
There is something about Donghae that breaks down all his walls. He wasn't sure he liked it in the beginning, but now, Kibum can't imagine letting anyone else in, letting anyone else see his vulnerabilities and fears; he can't imagine letting anyone else so close.
It's why the past few months have hurt so much.
Kibum is not a glutton for punishment. He doesn't like being miserable just for the sake of being miserable - he's really not that big a fan of misery, generally. But there are some things in life that you can't control, like gravity, and the passage of time, and the inevitable distance that stretches and grows when people are split apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but absence will also make the heart forget.
He strums a few chords on the guitar, idle ones that aren't printed on the sheet music before him. His manager is on the phone in the corner with someone and in his mind Kibum sees Donghae's smile, warm and bright.
They aren't as close as they used to be, but Donghae can still do things to Kibum no one else can, make him feel foolish and young and end up shaking his head at himself.
He's always felt this way. He realized that years ago, but knowing doesn't make it any easier. Not when Donghae doesn't know and will never know, not when Donghae hangs off everyone and hugs everyone and smiles at everyone like they light up his life.
One day, Kibum may grow out of the little ache of longing. One day, but not today.
Donghae bursts into the room, breaking Kibum's melancholy thoughts with a grin and a little whirl. He shows off a body roll and performs a hop-skip across the floor to Kibum's side. "Hiii," he drawls, his hair sticking out in little tufts under his beanie as he cocks a hip and beams down at Kibum.
He's in shorts and Kibum spends a moment staring at his legs - even his legs look nice, he thinks inanely, because he's hopeless and he knows it - and then blinks and looks up. "Hi," he responds with a small, crooked smile. "I didn't know you were still in the building."
"Rehearsing new SJM dances," Donghae tells him as he drops down beside him. "But we're pretty much done for the night. What're you up to?" He leans an elbow on Kibum's shoulder as he peers down at the music sheets.
Kibum shows him, talks to him, answers his rapid fire questions, and takes it all down in his memory to go over later. Super Junior M is going back to China soon, and, again, Donghae is leaving him. Not that he really had Donghae this time he was in Korea...but Kibum will memorize every smile, every curious glance and nosy question regardless. He makes note of the tenor of Donghae's voice, the brightness of his laughter, unrestrained and full. Every little thing that makes up Donghae (his Donghae), he silently records, because Kibum will never say anything, but he can still have this.
Donghae's body pressing against his is warm, a solid weight. His v-neck shirt gapes open slightly as he leans forward to run his fingers along the guitar, and Kibum's eyes are drawn to his collarbones, a sharp line of bone under smooth, tanned skin.
For a sweet, sharp moment, Kibum desperately wants to put his mouth there.
Then he jerks back into reality and hands over the guitar so Donghae can try strumming a few songs on it. He backs away, stands up, trying to get himself air and some distance.
Twenty-three now, he thinks, looking down at Donghae's bent head, and still not brave enough to say the words.
Later, Donghae gets the manager to take a photo of them, one of Donghae's arms slung over his shoulder and pulling him close, and him holding onto his guitar so he won't hold onto Donghae instead. Even so, his smile is real, if slightly bittersweet, because it's been so long (too long) and yet it all falls away like nothing has changed between them when Donghae grins at him, laughs with him.
He leans into Donghae as the camera flashes, takes advantage of the pose to put life on hold for a moment (pause) and just enjoy being the center of Donghae's world again, however briefly.
Donghae's breath puffs against his ear before he can react, his arm sliding from Kibum's shoulder to wrap loosely around his neck, tugging him closer. "Happy birthday, Kibummie," he whispers, low and sweet and velvet-smooth.
If he had any doubt before, it's laid to rest that night, that moment. Three in the morning on the day of Kibum's twenty-third birthday, he knows that he'll never fall completely out of love with Lee Donghae.
"Thanks, hyung," he replies. His lips are curved, eyes downcast, hoping they don't broadcast his personal epiphany to the world.
Donghae fetches the camera from the manager with a thank you! and then chases him out of the room with a grin. The manager rolls his eyes and laughs, but disappears down the hallway, leaving the two of them alone. Then Donghae returns to Kibum's side and stands there for a moment, just smiling at him. His eyes are dark, staring into Kibum's, searching for secrets Kibum hopes he doesn't find.
At last, he runs a hand through Kibum's long hair, tousling it, and leans in close again, angling his body so he and Kibum are facing each other. His other hand slips to Kibum's faded jeans, his fingers hooking through a belt loop. Before Kibum's heart can leap out of his mouth, before he can do more than blink in surprise, Donghae kisses the corner of his smile.
It's a fleeting kiss, soft and quick. In a heartbeat, his lips are on the other corner of Kibum's mouth.
"Always smile, okay?" he murmurs against Kibum's lips. "Just like this."
There's a guitar trapped between their bodies, awkward and unwieldy, but Kibum can still feel the heat of Donghae's body. He's so close. He's close enough to touch (but, his heart wonders, is he close enough to hold?), to make his breath hitch.
"Be happy, Kibummie. Be happy and healthy. I miss you. I want to see you like this the next time I come back." Donghae kisses him again, for real this time, a gentle pressure against his lips.
Kibum kisses him back, feels his heart break. He clutches at his guitar and knows he'll have imprints of strings in his fingertips when he lets go. They will fade with time, but other imprints won't.
"Happy birthday," Donghae says again when he pulls back, leaning his forehead against Kibum's.
"Thank you," he says again, but this time he means, I love you.
Maybe Donghae knows. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe it doesn't matter in the end, because he still smiles at Kibum, still thinks of him, still runs to his side in the wee hours of the morning to wish him happy birthday when everyone else is exhausted and thinking, it can wait until later.
The next day, Heechul texts Kibum with an order to read Donghae's cyworld. When he logs on and sees the picture of them, he smiles again, remembering. The entry was posted at five in the morning, about an hour after Donghae left him, after he got back to the dorms. It's put in Donghae's "My Loves" folder.
Maybe Donghae knows. Maybe he doesn't.
All that really matters is that he can still light up Kibum's life, regardless, and that he still cares enough to do so.
He reads the message left him. I will work hard, hyung, he promises.
(Because you are the one who makes me smile.)
--
Started: 2009.08.20
Finished: 2009.08.21
Notes: The start/end days are because I'm writing this around midnight, lol. Also, um, it was either this or...gratuitous making out. I could still drabble the gratuitous making out. How hot are their matching v-neck shirts and :9 arms?
NB: Kibum's an '87er like me - 23 is his Korean age.
Happy birthday, Kim Kibum~ I love you so hard.
This is KiHae, because apparently I will go down with this ship.
heartbreakers and heartquakers
Super Junior, Kibum/Donghae, PG, 1590 words
It's Kibum's birthday and one person hasn't forgotten, even at two in the morning.
heartbreakers and heartquakers
by
meifaceIt's 2:02AM when his phone rings, a familiar tune breaking into his own melody. Kibum sets the guitar down and reaches across the polished wood of the dance floor for his phone, glad that he's alone. Only one person gets his nostalgic Dancing Out ringtone, and Kibum really isn't up for the knowing looks the manager will surely give him.
It's been too long since he's heard this ringtone, he thinks as he flips the phone open. (How long is too long?) "이동해" blinks brightly up at him from the screen.
"Hello?"
"Kibummie!" The sound of Donghae's voice is a little like a punch to the stomach - a little breathtaking, a little painful. It kickstarts something in Kibum's chest that he's almost forgotten, like part of his life has been on pause for months now and someone's finally remembered to press play. (Go.)
His mind stalls for words as his heart jumps painfully. Thankfully, Donghae barrels on without waiting for a response. "Hi, Kibummie!" he exclaims, sounding as vibrant and alive as always, even at two in the morning. "I just realized it's past midnight, so it's your birthday now. Happy birthday!"
Kibum smiles involuntarily. "Thank you, hyung."
"Where are you?"
"Ah, in the studio." He adds, "Practicing."
"Oh so am I! Which one are you in, I'll come see you!" Donghae's enthusiasm is uncontained and contagious. Kibum is still smiling when he hangs up after telling him which studio, and when his manager walks into the room a minute later, he raises an eyebrow at Kibum sitting on the floor, smiling like a lunatic at the guitar in his lap. He probably looks like a fool. He feels like a fool. But when it's Donghae...Kibum never cared. Evidently, he still doesn't.
There is something about Donghae that breaks down all his walls. He wasn't sure he liked it in the beginning, but now, Kibum can't imagine letting anyone else in, letting anyone else see his vulnerabilities and fears; he can't imagine letting anyone else so close.
It's why the past few months have hurt so much.
Kibum is not a glutton for punishment. He doesn't like being miserable just for the sake of being miserable - he's really not that big a fan of misery, generally. But there are some things in life that you can't control, like gravity, and the passage of time, and the inevitable distance that stretches and grows when people are split apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but absence will also make the heart forget.
He strums a few chords on the guitar, idle ones that aren't printed on the sheet music before him. His manager is on the phone in the corner with someone and in his mind Kibum sees Donghae's smile, warm and bright.
They aren't as close as they used to be, but Donghae can still do things to Kibum no one else can, make him feel foolish and young and end up shaking his head at himself.
He's always felt this way. He realized that years ago, but knowing doesn't make it any easier. Not when Donghae doesn't know and will never know, not when Donghae hangs off everyone and hugs everyone and smiles at everyone like they light up his life.
One day, Kibum may grow out of the little ache of longing. One day, but not today.
Donghae bursts into the room, breaking Kibum's melancholy thoughts with a grin and a little whirl. He shows off a body roll and performs a hop-skip across the floor to Kibum's side. "Hiii," he drawls, his hair sticking out in little tufts under his beanie as he cocks a hip and beams down at Kibum.
He's in shorts and Kibum spends a moment staring at his legs - even his legs look nice, he thinks inanely, because he's hopeless and he knows it - and then blinks and looks up. "Hi," he responds with a small, crooked smile. "I didn't know you were still in the building."
"Rehearsing new SJM dances," Donghae tells him as he drops down beside him. "But we're pretty much done for the night. What're you up to?" He leans an elbow on Kibum's shoulder as he peers down at the music sheets.
Kibum shows him, talks to him, answers his rapid fire questions, and takes it all down in his memory to go over later. Super Junior M is going back to China soon, and, again, Donghae is leaving him. Not that he really had Donghae this time he was in Korea...but Kibum will memorize every smile, every curious glance and nosy question regardless. He makes note of the tenor of Donghae's voice, the brightness of his laughter, unrestrained and full. Every little thing that makes up Donghae (his Donghae), he silently records, because Kibum will never say anything, but he can still have this.
Donghae's body pressing against his is warm, a solid weight. His v-neck shirt gapes open slightly as he leans forward to run his fingers along the guitar, and Kibum's eyes are drawn to his collarbones, a sharp line of bone under smooth, tanned skin.
For a sweet, sharp moment, Kibum desperately wants to put his mouth there.
Then he jerks back into reality and hands over the guitar so Donghae can try strumming a few songs on it. He backs away, stands up, trying to get himself air and some distance.
Twenty-three now, he thinks, looking down at Donghae's bent head, and still not brave enough to say the words.
Later, Donghae gets the manager to take a photo of them, one of Donghae's arms slung over his shoulder and pulling him close, and him holding onto his guitar so he won't hold onto Donghae instead. Even so, his smile is real, if slightly bittersweet, because it's been so long (too long) and yet it all falls away like nothing has changed between them when Donghae grins at him, laughs with him.
He leans into Donghae as the camera flashes, takes advantage of the pose to put life on hold for a moment (pause) and just enjoy being the center of Donghae's world again, however briefly.
Donghae's breath puffs against his ear before he can react, his arm sliding from Kibum's shoulder to wrap loosely around his neck, tugging him closer. "Happy birthday, Kibummie," he whispers, low and sweet and velvet-smooth.
If he had any doubt before, it's laid to rest that night, that moment. Three in the morning on the day of Kibum's twenty-third birthday, he knows that he'll never fall completely out of love with Lee Donghae.
"Thanks, hyung," he replies. His lips are curved, eyes downcast, hoping they don't broadcast his personal epiphany to the world.
Donghae fetches the camera from the manager with a thank you! and then chases him out of the room with a grin. The manager rolls his eyes and laughs, but disappears down the hallway, leaving the two of them alone. Then Donghae returns to Kibum's side and stands there for a moment, just smiling at him. His eyes are dark, staring into Kibum's, searching for secrets Kibum hopes he doesn't find.
At last, he runs a hand through Kibum's long hair, tousling it, and leans in close again, angling his body so he and Kibum are facing each other. His other hand slips to Kibum's faded jeans, his fingers hooking through a belt loop. Before Kibum's heart can leap out of his mouth, before he can do more than blink in surprise, Donghae kisses the corner of his smile.
It's a fleeting kiss, soft and quick. In a heartbeat, his lips are on the other corner of Kibum's mouth.
"Always smile, okay?" he murmurs against Kibum's lips. "Just like this."
There's a guitar trapped between their bodies, awkward and unwieldy, but Kibum can still feel the heat of Donghae's body. He's so close. He's close enough to touch (but, his heart wonders, is he close enough to hold?), to make his breath hitch.
"Be happy, Kibummie. Be happy and healthy. I miss you. I want to see you like this the next time I come back." Donghae kisses him again, for real this time, a gentle pressure against his lips.
Kibum kisses him back, feels his heart break. He clutches at his guitar and knows he'll have imprints of strings in his fingertips when he lets go. They will fade with time, but other imprints won't.
"Happy birthday," Donghae says again when he pulls back, leaning his forehead against Kibum's.
"Thank you," he says again, but this time he means, I love you.
Maybe Donghae knows. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe it doesn't matter in the end, because he still smiles at Kibum, still thinks of him, still runs to his side in the wee hours of the morning to wish him happy birthday when everyone else is exhausted and thinking, it can wait until later.
The next day, Heechul texts Kibum with an order to read Donghae's cyworld. When he logs on and sees the picture of them, he smiles again, remembering. The entry was posted at five in the morning, about an hour after Donghae left him, after he got back to the dorms. It's put in Donghae's "My Loves" folder.
Maybe Donghae knows. Maybe he doesn't.
All that really matters is that he can still light up Kibum's life, regardless, and that he still cares enough to do so.
He reads the message left him. I will work hard, hyung, he promises.
(Because you are the one who makes me smile.)
--
Started: 2009.08.20
Finished: 2009.08.21
Notes: The start/end days are because I'm writing this around midnight, lol. Also, um, it was either this or...gratuitous making out. I could still drabble the gratuitous making out. How hot are their matching v-neck shirts and :9 arms?
NB: Kibum's an '87er like me - 23 is his Korean age.
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