[Greekcest] Greekcest, PG-13, Humor/Romance, Apollo/Hermes

[meiface.livejournal.com]

Title: Greekcest
Fandom: Greek mythology
Pairing: Apollo/Hermes
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Does anyone own the Greek myths?


Apollo/Hermes because kasugai_gummie’s Greek-muse fluttered over to me and latched its claws in before I could run away screaming that I already had commitments to Thrill Pair and A Little Stress Relief and other mind-eating story ideas evil people are attempting to sic on me (like for Loveless or HanaKimi).

I’ll rate it PG-13 for safety reasons; content will be quite disturbing as the Greeks were very twisted people who believed in many fun things like incest, pedophilia, and bestiality. So you’re not being warned for slash this time (though they indulged in that too and could you honestly expect anything else from me?); rather, the strange interrelationships these immortals have with each other.

(If there is more, it might not follow in sequence; that is, I might just write arbitrary scenarios with Apollo & Hermes in them, which may or may not have any relation to previous drabbles. They’ll generally be in the same universe though.)

Here are some notes on the major characters:


[Notes]

Apollo – son of Zeus and Leto, god of music, prophecy, medicine, poetry, and archery; master of the lyre, but also adept at the pan-pipes (syrinx) and flute, all presented to him by Hermes; shot by Eros’ arrow when he accused Eros of being a mere child playing with archery and made to fall in love with nymph Daphne who hated him; she turned into a laurel tree to escape his attentions and one of his symbols is a crown of laurel; also associated with the sun in later years (though the actual sun god is Helios)

Hermes – son of Zeus and Maia, the gods’ messenger, also god of shepherds, travelers, thieves, currency, literature, and athletics; escorts souls to the Underworld; his symbol is the caduceus (herald’s staff) which was previously Apollo’s golden wand; killed Argus, creature with 1000 eyes, who was assigned by Hera to imprison Io, one of Zeus’ many lovers; has the coolest winged sandals ever and a less-cool winged helmet which he, um, has left behind in these current fashions (and because Apollo likes to play with his hair, heh)

Eros – son of Ares and Aphrodite, god of love; uses arrows to shoot love into hearts; fell in love with the mortal Psyche but I don’t really like this story so we’re going to pretend it didn’t happen; (another myth is that Eros is one of the oldest gods, contemporary to Chaos, and was the one who united the Heavens and Earth, but I think I’m using the Ares and Aphrodite one because in that myth, he gets to have a brother named Anteros who is the god of Mutual Love)

Pan – son of Hermes and some nymph whose name is unimportant, he’s half goat (the bottom half), half human/god; plays the pan-pipes and challenges Apollo to a musical showdown which Apollo wins, naturally

Aphrodite – goddess of love, born of the sea foam; mother of Eros; married to Hephaestus; (oh and she and Hermes did sleep together—where do you think the term “hermaphrodite” comes from? Their son/daughter/thing was Hermaphroditus and probably as promiscuous as the both of them)

Ares – god of war, legitimate son of Zeus and Hera, brother of Hephaestus (god of the forge); he’s not all that important right now

Zeus – god of all other gods; likes sex and lots of it, constantly taking on new lovers both male and female, mortal and immortal, human and animal; married to Hera, his older sister; controls lightning

Hera – Zeus’ wife and older sister, goddess of marriage, likes having fits about Zeus’ affairs and just fits in general; someone you might call a “madly jealous and possessive control freak” but definitely not to her face

Basically, all Greek gods and goddesses were twisted, petty immortals who indulged in a lot of incest, bestiality, and pedophilia, and when they tired of that, got angry with each other and set their favorite mortals against each other. (See: Trojan War) What fun.


…I just realized that since Hermes and Apollo are both sons of Zeus (and thus, half-brothers), as is Ares, they’d also be Eros’ uncles. (Meaning Hermes slept with his, er, half-sister-in-law.) O.o;; Omfgwtf? (Greeks are So. Strange.) Well, anyway, I can pretend Apollo, Hermes, and Eros are the same age (mentally, since their physical age wouldn’t make much difference) if I want to. So there. My world is resolved now.

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And now, the actual ficlet:


Greekcest
by meitachi

“What’s all this fuss about anyway?” muttered Aphrodite, carefully smoothing back her hair. She ran a critical eye over the large assembly of assorted gods gathered around the conference room table. Apparently, Mt. Olympus had been taking cues from Donald Trump; that ridiculous reality television show of his was everywhere now, honestly. There was no escape.

Aphrodite personally didn’t think much of the aesthetics. A conference table, no matter of what class and material, couldn’t live up to the beauty of classic white marble, preferably threaded with pink or the rarer gold, painstakingly carved by some dedicated craftsman who knew how to properly worship the gods.

“Hey Mom,” said Eros cheerfully, popping up beside her.

The goddess of love cast him a reproving look. “I told you not to call me that,” she scolded him. It made her feel so old. She shuddered delicately. She would never look the part, thankfully, but still, Eros should know better.

Her errant son shrugged, his wings rippling behind him. “Sure. Whatever.” He cocked his head and swept his gaze around the room, where over half the assembled gods and goddesses had yet to take their seats, meandering amongst themselves. “You know why we’re here?”

“I don’t have the slightest idea,” Aphrodite replied, a little miffed over her decided lack of knowledge. “Hera arranged the entire thing. I can only hope it isn’t another effort to kill off one of Zeus’ lovers. I hear the mortals have been complaining about the rapid rate of extinction among the animals.”

Eros laughed, his gaze coming to rest on two familiar figures a little further along the lengthy table. He watched them in amusement even as he answered his mother, “Surely it’s something more serious this time. Hera can manage her petty revenges quite well on her own; she wouldn’t call together this family reunion.”

“We’re not personally related to any one of them,” Aphrodite was quick to remind him. Then she frowned. “Or, at least, I am not. I’m sorry about Ares, darling.”

“Better than Hephaestus,” Eros consoled her. He found it strangely humorous that his mother, while loving the god of war far more than her husband, she still despaired of his parentage. “And at least Zeus is my grandfather. We’re only distantly related, at best.”

Aphrodite’s expression told of her thankfulness for that fact. It was bad enough having to work with these uncouth, insatiable, and frankly unintelligent immortals on a daily basis (for eternity, no less!) but being related to them could only make it worse. She seated herself in a nearby chair and smoothed her hands over her dress. “Find Zeus if you can, dear,” she murmured to Eros. “Tell him to get this meeting started. Some of us don’t have five decades to waste.”

He laughed again and nodded, moving away through the immortals loitering around in idle conversation. When he stopped, however, it wasn’t in the presence of the mighty Zeus, but rather in front of two young gods.

“Hermes,” Eros said loudly, clapping his friend on the back. “Long time no see!” He grinned as he continued, “Oh, and who is—why, is that you Apollo, old man?”

A golden head lifted, blue glare clear from beneath the curls. “Hades take you,” Apollo greeted him pleasantly and ducked his head again, resuming previous activity.

Hermes actually pulled away long enough to flash him a grin, tainted with the lazy curl of sexual indulgence. “Hey yourself, Eros,” he said easily, winding his arms around Apollo’s neck and adjusting his position on the other god’s lap. “What’s up?”

Eros smirked as Apollo latched his mouth to Hermes’ neck and the messenger god arched into the touch. “Well,” Eros said casually, folding his arms, “besides the obvious…” He grinned when Hermes glared and proceeded on calmly. “Do either of you know where Zeus is? Aphrodite wants this shenanigan to get a move on.”

“What, waiting two more minutes might give her wrinkles?”

“Hey, that’s my mother you’re insulting.”

“And? I’ve slept with her before.”

Eros shuddered. “For Hera’s sake, Hermes, shut up about that. It’s just sick.”

Apollo lifted his head and gave his lover a none-too-pleased look. “I agree,” he said testily. “Don’t bring that up again.” His mouth curled and a possessive glint appeared in his eyes. “You’re mine now, brother.” As if in proof, his hands slid up Hermes’ tunic as he brought their mouths together.

For a moment longer, Eros watched them and took pride. This, he often thought, was perhaps his best work. Causing Apollo to fall in love with Daphne had been good fun and better revenge, but that had been in his younger, more immature days. He wasn’t the type to hold a grudge anymore…probably. Well, in any case, if Apollo did anything stupid now, Hermes would be there to knock some sense into him. And vice versa, Eros added thoughtfully. Because Zeus knew those two could be stupid sometimes… Not even recognizing the blatant unresolved sexual tension between themselves… He scoffed. Amateurs.

Well, he supposed that’s why neither of them were the god of love. Clearly, prophesying and guiding lost souls didn’t require the sensitivity that separated his job from the others. Feeling rather satisfied with himself, Eros wandered off in search of Zeus again. Aphrodite was right; this entire thing was dragging on far too long. The sooner it got started, the sooner it would wrap up, and hopefully somewhere in the middle there’d be an interesting debate.

To strike down the foolish mortals with lightning or not, he thought to himself, as Zeus asked himself every day. Clearly, the god was unpleased with the new religions the mortals were coughing up all over the place, many of which were monotheistic and none of which actually included them. Oh the irony, Eros lamented.

He skirted a group of gods (Helios, it looked like, complaining loudly to Pan and some others how Apollo had unrepentantly stolen his role as sun god, as if that good-for-nothing, prissy god of poncy things like music and poetry could ever live up to him, Helios) and stopped in his tracks, wings fluttering uneasily. Well, he thought, abruptly turning on his heel and returning the way he’d come. It looked like he’d found Zeus. And the reason the meeting was so delayed.

Evidently, the god of lightning had discovered another use for the Trump conference table, one which high-powered executives and their secretaries had known for years.

At least it was with Hera this time, Eros reflected. Which gave them some hope of actually having a meeting, as opposed to an eruption in which an incensed Hera attempted to kill off as many immortals as she could.

So, he wondered how Hermes and Apollo were doing. He probably needed to check back up on them, make sure they weren’t, uh, choking on each other’s tongues and all that. As he retraced his steps, Eros hoped his friends hadn’t yet discovered the convenience of a flat-topped table. At least, not in public. Zeus was one thing, but he was Zeus. Eros would rather not contemplate a public voyeurism of Apollo and Hermes’ …relationship. He shuddered.

Let this be over soon, he thought a little desperately.


tbc (?)

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Started: 05.04.05
Edited: 05.06.05

(I don’t know that I could call this ‘finished.’ It might not ever be.)