[Original] Bittersweet, PG, General
Dec. 19th, 2005 02:24 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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chineseinkTitle: Bittersweet
Fandom: Original
Pairing: n/a - gen
Rating: PG
Claimer: Mine, yeah.
Bittersweet
--a goodbye doesn’t always have to mean physical absence; sometimes it is the other farewell that hurts more
“What else do you want me to do?” she asks, eyes pained, and he can’t look at her. Instead, he bites his lips and whispers her name, softly, like the sound of willow trees breathing in the wind or rain catching on a spiderweb, and she looks away as well.
“You can’t expect me to stand by you and hold your hand,” she says, tracing the lines of his shadow at her feet with her gaze, “not when I’m giving you to someone else.” The sun backlights him, framing him in an instance of perfection, but she doesn’t see it and she won’t ever see, because to her, he is eternally beautiful.
He is sunshine and laughter and comfort and warmth. He is everything and the only thing she’s ever wanted and she knows, knows as her heart beats its lonely beats that he will never be hers. He is sunshine and laughter and comfort and warmth, and he is not hers.
She doesn’t want to look at him, doesn’t want to see everything and the only thing she’s ever wanted and knowing she can’t have it, but she wants to watch forever, watch him smile and laugh and live in the security that he is ever loved. She wants to see him happy, wants to see him alive and animated, and the only tears she ever hopes to catch are those that he cries in joy.
He moves now, towards her, and she knows because his shadow dances in the flickering light, reaching in her direction. She flinches back because he can’t touch her or she’ll never let him go and she can’t keep him.
“I love you,” he says to her, his voice broken like her heart, and she can hear the sound of the tears she never wanted to see in his voice. His hand wraps around her arm and slides down, slowly, to clasp hers. “Please,” he says, like he said before, asking her to do the impossible, and for him, she just might.
Her fingers tighten around his and she rests her head on his shoulder, neither of them looking at the other because there are things they don’t want to see in those eyes, things that should remain unspoken even if they aren’t unfelt. It makes it easier to pretend that they aren’t lying, that their choice is the right one, when in reality it’s the only one, which is almost the same thing. It’s close enough, she decides, even as her throat tightens and it takes a conscious effort to remember that she can’t keep the warmth at her side.
“Fine,” she breathes, at last, choking the word through years of loving him, of watching over him, of knowing one day he’d leave.
Anything to make him happy, she’d sworn, and she’d swear again because he was her everything, the only thing she’d ever wanted. And now she’s going to give him away, give him to someone who was taking him from her and making him smile and filling his life with a love that could never rival hers.
His breath hitches and then he is beaming at her and she exhales her tension because her pain is all worth it if he is happy, because he is sunshine and laughter and comfort and warmth. Even if he is not hers, was never really hers, she has been blessed to have had him for what time she did and though her heart beats in loneliness, she will smile for him.
His arms slide around her and she pretends it’s not the last time. “Thank you, oneesan,” he says, softly, like the sound of tears sliding down her cheeks.
--
Posted: 05.31.2005
Fandom: Original
Pairing: n/a - gen
Rating: PG
Claimer: Mine, yeah.
Bittersweet
--a goodbye doesn’t always have to mean physical absence; sometimes it is the other farewell that hurts more
“What else do you want me to do?” she asks, eyes pained, and he can’t look at her. Instead, he bites his lips and whispers her name, softly, like the sound of willow trees breathing in the wind or rain catching on a spiderweb, and she looks away as well.
“You can’t expect me to stand by you and hold your hand,” she says, tracing the lines of his shadow at her feet with her gaze, “not when I’m giving you to someone else.” The sun backlights him, framing him in an instance of perfection, but she doesn’t see it and she won’t ever see, because to her, he is eternally beautiful.
He is sunshine and laughter and comfort and warmth. He is everything and the only thing she’s ever wanted and she knows, knows as her heart beats its lonely beats that he will never be hers. He is sunshine and laughter and comfort and warmth, and he is not hers.
She doesn’t want to look at him, doesn’t want to see everything and the only thing she’s ever wanted and knowing she can’t have it, but she wants to watch forever, watch him smile and laugh and live in the security that he is ever loved. She wants to see him happy, wants to see him alive and animated, and the only tears she ever hopes to catch are those that he cries in joy.
He moves now, towards her, and she knows because his shadow dances in the flickering light, reaching in her direction. She flinches back because he can’t touch her or she’ll never let him go and she can’t keep him.
“I love you,” he says to her, his voice broken like her heart, and she can hear the sound of the tears she never wanted to see in his voice. His hand wraps around her arm and slides down, slowly, to clasp hers. “Please,” he says, like he said before, asking her to do the impossible, and for him, she just might.
Her fingers tighten around his and she rests her head on his shoulder, neither of them looking at the other because there are things they don’t want to see in those eyes, things that should remain unspoken even if they aren’t unfelt. It makes it easier to pretend that they aren’t lying, that their choice is the right one, when in reality it’s the only one, which is almost the same thing. It’s close enough, she decides, even as her throat tightens and it takes a conscious effort to remember that she can’t keep the warmth at her side.
“Fine,” she breathes, at last, choking the word through years of loving him, of watching over him, of knowing one day he’d leave.
Anything to make him happy, she’d sworn, and she’d swear again because he was her everything, the only thing she’d ever wanted. And now she’s going to give him away, give him to someone who was taking him from her and making him smile and filling his life with a love that could never rival hers.
His breath hitches and then he is beaming at her and she exhales her tension because her pain is all worth it if he is happy, because he is sunshine and laughter and comfort and warmth. Even if he is not hers, was never really hers, she has been blessed to have had him for what time she did and though her heart beats in loneliness, she will smile for him.
His arms slide around her and she pretends it’s not the last time. “Thank you, oneesan,” he says, softly, like the sound of tears sliding down her cheeks.
--
Posted: 05.31.2005
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