chineseink | [GO] The Most Wonderful Time of Year, PG, Humor, Crowley/Aziraphale

satora_chan wanted Crowley/Aziraphale from Good Omens, with war. I hope you like it! I never feel as if my writing is droll or wry enough for GO. :/

The Most Wonderful Time of Year
Good Omens, Crowley/Aziraphale, PG, 616 words
In which there is war, goodwill, and tea. A lot of tea.

The Most Wonderful Time of Year
by

meitachi

“There’s a war out there, my dear. Shouldn’t we be doing something?” Aziraphale gave up on his book and closed it with a gentle pat. He looked across the table to where Crowley was idly stirring his untouched coffee¹ and working out the schematics for his newest demonic venture. He had the preliminary plans for bigger crowds and fewer parking spaces for the holiday season, always a guarantee to ruin the spirit of goodwill and peace towards mankind. Aziraphale frowned disapprovingly at the diagrams.

“We are. I’m working on making Christmas more miserable for everyone and you’re reading about little girls.” Crowley paused the stirring of the coffee and raised an eyebrow, smirking a bit. “I really wonder about you sometimes, angel.”

“'Lolita' is a classic!” Aziraphale defended himself, looking put out. He huffed and helped himself to another cup of tea. “And, really, that’s not the point. I can’t stand this horrid noise. We ought to put a stop to it.”

The high-pitched screams from outside Aziraphale’s bookshop were easily heard in the back room, where angel and demon sat, punctuated with the occasional anguished screech from passing traffic². Crowley took this all in a stride, looking completely unconcerned with the sounds of death and destruction outside as he leaned his chair back and propped his snakeskin boots on the table. He flipped through his sheets of paper, drawling, “You could just wait until they killed each other off. Humans are remarkably good at that.”

“Crowley!” Aziraphale looked appalled. “That’s a terrible attitude to take,” he scolded, “especially at Christmas. And I doubt their parents would appreciate that…though they would certainly be quieter.” He looked a little guilty at that admission. “We should encourage them to…go caroling or something of the like. Ice-skating, perhaps. In that lovely little rink on the other side of town.” He beamed. “Don’t you think so?”

Crowley shrugged. He hated kids. It really made no difference if they were screaming nearby or screaming from a distance—so long as they were screaming. They tended to be very effective in causing grumpiness in everyone within hearing distance and Crowley always admired that sort of efficiency. Saved him a lot of trouble, anyhow. “Sure,” he said agreeably. The people on the other side of town could probably use some good old-fashioned kid-created annoyance in their holiday cheer.

“Wonderful,” said Aziraphale happily. “I’ll just help them along them.” He sipped at his tea. The sounds of the snowball fight outside—and its perpetuators—vanished abruptly.

Later, Aziraphale realized the fallacies of his plan when worried parents knocked on his door, asking if he’d seen their children. He flushed guiltily and told them reassuringly that the kids had probably, ah, headed on home—assurances the anxious parents always received doubtfully but found to be true after they returned home, exhausted, after another good half hour of searching. The children received stern lectures and in some cases sound thrashings, which made Crowley whistle holiday tunes under his breath, almost cheerful; but the punishment was given out of relief, and the children were coddled later with candy canes and hot chocolate, which made Aziraphale beam happily as he put the kettle on the stove for another pot of tea.

“What a productive day,” said Crowley, setting his finalized plans down. He rubbed his hands together with a satisfied air.

“Quite lovely,” Aziraphale agreed, dropping a kiss on Crowley’s expectant mouth. “Tea?”

Crowley’s smile was slow and wicked. “Maybe later.”

¹ double espresso, black, and mostly just for show
² some of which was due to the ongoing war but most caused by the wide berth drivers inadvertently found themselves giving the Bentley parked (illegally) on the curb

Started/Finished: 12.26.06