[Original] The Tale of the Helpful Prince, PG-13, Fairy Tale/Parody

[meiface.livejournal.com]

hametsuenorondo wanted a fairy tale with euphemisms. I threw in a throwaway slash reference because I couldn't help myself. ^_~. Hope you don't mind!


The Tale of the Helpful Prince
Original, implied yaoi, PG-13, 762 words
In which there is a prince who likes, among other things, sex.


The Tale of the Helpful Prince
by meitachi

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom that flourished with good harvest and a contented people because the royals had had the good sense of flattering all of its magical benefactors and, more importantly, had appointed the most diplomatic people in its kingdom to positions of Foreign Secretary and Ambassador and other jobs that required getting along with people. In this kingdom, the king and queen ruled pragmatically—that is, they gave people jobs and they let them do them. The king’s most significant duties were to always look presentably regal, put his royal seal on documents his trusted advisors had already approved, and give moving speeches when the occasion called for them. The queen, other than looking regal, kindly, and beautiful, mostly concerned herself with the palace gardens, which were the most beautiful place in the kingdom.

This king and queen had a son: the prince. He was sixteen years old with golden hair and laughing eyes the color of the sky. All the girls in the kingdom were enchanted with him. He excelled in his studies and was well-liked by all his tutors. He was skilled in horseback riding and with the sword, and his fairy godmother was happy to report that all the princesses in neighboring realms (and that one across the sea) were all quite aflutter over him.

There was something a little odd about the prince, however, though he had been blessed rather than cursed at birth: his favorite hobby was not riding horses or terrorizing peasants (they were a peaceful kingdom, after all), but rather a bit of bump and grind. He never lacked for kitchen girls who would, blushingly, show him how to work the mortar and pestle to grind mint leaves to add to his favorite tea. He was fond of the physical labor because it built admirable muscles in his arms (and boys that age were ever so conscious about their physiques), and always left him smelling fresh and clean. Occasionally, while the prince was in the kitchen, he would also offer to churn the butter or help make bacon. The old cook, who’d been married for a good forty years, still tittered and laughed because he was such a “charming young man.” In a spot, he’d also fix her plumbing if it was a small problem and fetching a messenger to ask the castle handyman (known by his formal title as the Most Senior Wizard of Magics) would take too long.

The prince was eager to learn many different things and he loved to help those he could outside of the palace kitchens as well. Though it had first been something of a scandal, everyone had grown accustomed to seeing the prince out and about, his golden hair dirty with soot and his royal robes streaked with mud as he helped a coachman grease the wheel of his carriage, or rode the hobby horse around while laughing gaily with the stable boys. He was loved across the kingdom for his curiosity and good humor and love of helping anyone he could. The cook always gave him the best bits of food from the meal she was preparing whenever he stopped by – a bit of fish, or a bit of split mutton, or a bit of sugar stick. The prince would often take these tidbits and have a picnic in the lawn with the children his age, both sons of his parents’ counsels and daughters of the local baker. His very favorite thing to do, however, was having a hot roll with cream and eating that cream puff in the enchanted forest. The sound of magic there always soothed him, with squawks and trills from magical creatures, and the fairies he occasionally ran across would always play tiddlywinks with him. (He was getting better—he won two out of five games now.)

The prince had a best friend who was a stable boy, and they always play-wrestled and rolled around in the hay in the hayloft. They always had the best time, laughing and slapping skin and generally making a worse mess of the prince’s appearance than he’d started out with. The prince was always happy whenever he could see the stable boy and his parents smiled indulgently at him, glad that he was such a healthy, active boy.

He was sixteen years old, growing tall, lean but muscled, with golden hair and laughing eyes the color of the sky. He liked girls and he liked boys and he liked helping out with eccentric chores.

He was rather fond of sex, too.


Started/Finished: 12.21.2006

I referenced this site for sex euphemisms. See how many you can spot! :D