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chineseinkUgh why did I think I was funny again? Explanations for why Kibum is never doing anything SJ anymore and was probably CGIed (prettily) into the Sorry Sorry MV.
5 Jobs Kim Kibum Held Instead of Participating in Super Junior Events
Super Junior, band!fic, PG, 710 words
Crack. Because Kibum obviously hates doing anything with SJ more than everything else.
5 Jobs Kim Kibum Held Instead of Participating in Super Junior Events
by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
meitachi
1.
"Kibum's always so busy filming," Donghae pouted, flinging himself onto the couch after a long day of rehearsal. "We barely see him."
"Well, you know he's trying to break into the film industry," Eeteuk explained, patting Donghae on the shoulder. "It's important to him to be able to spend all that time acting. Experience!"
Still sulking, Donghae turned on the TV and started flipping through channels.
He could be such a child sometimes, Eeteuk thought with a sigh, but he understood how Donghae missed Kibum. In fact, Eeteuk had started lately to think every figure in the corner of his eye was Kibum, showing up to participate in group activities - it was starting to drive him a little crazy. He blinked. That actor on TV even looked like Kibum... "Stop, go back!" he cried
Donghae flicked the channel and they both stared. "That's Kibum," Donghae said.
"Ohhhh," the actress moaned, winding a leg around Kibum's bare back. "Ohhh hunky dragon, take me harder. You are so big and strong and sexy."
"I know you like it, baby," Kibum whispered into her throat, sliding his hands down her body. "I will fill you with my manful essence."
Eeteuk squeezed his eyes shut as Donghae leaped off the couch, yelling, "OH MY GOD KIBUM DOES PORN."
"At least he really is filming," Eeteuk said faintly.
Donghae paused, and then said sullenly, "What's she got that we haven't?"
2.
"This is such a bad idea, hyung," Hyukjae whispered frantically as he followed Sungmin into the e-mart, trying not to look around too conspicuously.
"Relax, Hyukkie," Sungmin said cheerfully. "You've got sunglasses and your hood on. Plus we're close to home. We can make a run for it if any fangirls see us." He strolled down the aisles of the mall casually, as if he wouldn't be attacked by screaming, rabid 13-year-old girls if recognized.
"Why don't we just eat when we get home?" Hyukjae fidgeted.
Sungmin grabbed a box of snacks. "I was really, really craving these," he said, going to the counter. Then he dropped the box and did a double-take. "Kibum?"
Kibum sighed as he scanned the box of Choco-pies. "I knew I should've picked a place further from the dorms," he said mildly.
3.
"Do you mind?" Kibum asked. "You're kind of holding up traffic."
Twelve heads popped out of the van windows to gape at him, all buttoned up sharp in his white police uniform and cap. He even had gloves on.
"B-b-but," Ryeowook sputtered, eyes wide.
Horns started honking behind the van.
"Have a good performance," Kibum told them and waved them on through the intersection.
4.
Heechul frowned and wrinkled his nose as Kibum walked into the room. "What have you been rolling around in?" he asked. "You smell like a happy hog farm!"
"Chicken," Kibum corrected, stripping his shirt off and heading towards the bathroom.
"Was that straw in his hair?" Siwon asked, concerned.
"What the hell are you doing all day?" Heechul demanded in the tones of his best I-am-hyung-and-you-will-obey-me voice.
"I was helping out on a farm," Kibum replied, voice slightly muffled from the bathroom.
Heechul, Hankyung, and Siwon exchanged looks.
"What the fuck are you doing on a chicken farm?"
"I'm a chicken sexer."
Hankyung blinked and looked vaguely ill. "That...doesn't mean what it sounds like, right? I must be hearing something wrong."
Siwon appeared to be muttering prayers under his breath.
"Bestiality?" Heechul shrieked, gettng to his feet, hands on his hips. "KIM KIBUM, I know you're a freak, but this is just going too far."
Kibum walked back out, scrubbing his face with a towel. "Get your mind out of the gutter, hyung. I just sort through baby chicks to figure out if they're male or female." He threw the towel over his shoulder and smirked at Heechul. "And you're one to talk, hyung."
5.
"I don't understand how you get out of all these events," Kangin complained.
"Why are you never around anymore?" Yesung bitched.
"What do you do with all your time, hyung?" Kyuhyun asked.
Kibum shrugged at them and continued putting on his coat. "I got another job." He slipped on his shoes, ready to head out. "Lee Sooman's personal ass-kisser."
Started/Finished: 2009.03.13
ETA: The actual reason Kibum (and Heechul) aren't really around. Learn that choreo, Kibum! ::whipcrack::
5 Jobs Kim Kibum Held Instead of Participating in Super Junior Events
Super Junior, band!fic, PG, 710 words
Crack. Because Kibum obviously hates doing anything with SJ more than everything else.
5 Jobs Kim Kibum Held Instead of Participating in Super Junior Events
by
meitachi1.
"Kibum's always so busy filming," Donghae pouted, flinging himself onto the couch after a long day of rehearsal. "We barely see him."
"Well, you know he's trying to break into the film industry," Eeteuk explained, patting Donghae on the shoulder. "It's important to him to be able to spend all that time acting. Experience!"
Still sulking, Donghae turned on the TV and started flipping through channels.
He could be such a child sometimes, Eeteuk thought with a sigh, but he understood how Donghae missed Kibum. In fact, Eeteuk had started lately to think every figure in the corner of his eye was Kibum, showing up to participate in group activities - it was starting to drive him a little crazy. He blinked. That actor on TV even looked like Kibum... "Stop, go back!" he cried
Donghae flicked the channel and they both stared. "That's Kibum," Donghae said.
"Ohhhh," the actress moaned, winding a leg around Kibum's bare back. "Ohhh hunky dragon, take me harder. You are so big and strong and sexy."
"I know you like it, baby," Kibum whispered into her throat, sliding his hands down her body. "I will fill you with my manful essence."
Eeteuk squeezed his eyes shut as Donghae leaped off the couch, yelling, "OH MY GOD KIBUM DOES PORN."
"At least he really is filming," Eeteuk said faintly.
Donghae paused, and then said sullenly, "What's she got that we haven't?"
2.
"This is such a bad idea, hyung," Hyukjae whispered frantically as he followed Sungmin into the e-mart, trying not to look around too conspicuously.
"Relax, Hyukkie," Sungmin said cheerfully. "You've got sunglasses and your hood on. Plus we're close to home. We can make a run for it if any fangirls see us." He strolled down the aisles of the mall casually, as if he wouldn't be attacked by screaming, rabid 13-year-old girls if recognized.
"Why don't we just eat when we get home?" Hyukjae fidgeted.
Sungmin grabbed a box of snacks. "I was really, really craving these," he said, going to the counter. Then he dropped the box and did a double-take. "Kibum?"
Kibum sighed as he scanned the box of Choco-pies. "I knew I should've picked a place further from the dorms," he said mildly.
3.
"Do you mind?" Kibum asked. "You're kind of holding up traffic."
Twelve heads popped out of the van windows to gape at him, all buttoned up sharp in his white police uniform and cap. He even had gloves on.
"B-b-but," Ryeowook sputtered, eyes wide.
Horns started honking behind the van.
"Have a good performance," Kibum told them and waved them on through the intersection.
4.
Heechul frowned and wrinkled his nose as Kibum walked into the room. "What have you been rolling around in?" he asked. "You smell like a happy hog farm!"
"Chicken," Kibum corrected, stripping his shirt off and heading towards the bathroom.
"Was that straw in his hair?" Siwon asked, concerned.
"What the hell are you doing all day?" Heechul demanded in the tones of his best I-am-hyung-and-you-will-obey-me voice.
"I was helping out on a farm," Kibum replied, voice slightly muffled from the bathroom.
Heechul, Hankyung, and Siwon exchanged looks.
"What the fuck are you doing on a chicken farm?"
"I'm a chicken sexer."
Hankyung blinked and looked vaguely ill. "That...doesn't mean what it sounds like, right? I must be hearing something wrong."
Siwon appeared to be muttering prayers under his breath.
"Bestiality?" Heechul shrieked, gettng to his feet, hands on his hips. "KIM KIBUM, I know you're a freak, but this is just going too far."
Kibum walked back out, scrubbing his face with a towel. "Get your mind out of the gutter, hyung. I just sort through baby chicks to figure out if they're male or female." He threw the towel over his shoulder and smirked at Heechul. "And you're one to talk, hyung."
5.
"I don't understand how you get out of all these events," Kangin complained.
"Why are you never around anymore?" Yesung bitched.
"What do you do with all your time, hyung?" Kyuhyun asked.
Kibum shrugged at them and continued putting on his coat. "I got another job." He slipped on his shoes, ready to head out. "Lee Sooman's personal ass-kisser."
Started/Finished: 2009.03.13
ETA: The actual reason Kibum (and Heechul) aren't really around. Learn that choreo, Kibum! ::whipcrack::
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