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halcyon_morn, with love. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHRIS. Sorry this is not as awesome as it could be, because RL fucked me over. :( Have a slutty!Sungmin. I tried. ♥
Love and Attraction
Super Junior, Sungmin/everyone, NC-17, 4465 words
Sungmin's what you might call a slut. But even he can tell the difference between love and attraction.
Love and Attraction
bymeitachi
So Lee Sungmin’s slept with twenty-six people. That doesn’t make him a slut, does it? He doesn’t think so.
1. Jisoo, the girl from church
The first time, Sungmin is sixteen. He’s already started training, but he still lives at home and goes to church with his parents. He’s had a crush on Jisoo for months before she asks him, hesitantly but smiling, if he wants to go out. His heart flutters and he’s sure he stutters, feeling like a fool, but he takes her hand.
Their first time is three months after they’ve been dating, and it’s awkward and fumbling and unsure and perfect all the same. Sungmin only knows vaguely what he’s doing, but Jisoo doesn’t seem to mind, and when he comes, he’s blinking back tears and hiding his face in the glistening curve of Jisoo’s neck.
2. Junghwan, the boy from taekwondo
Sungmin’s second time is the reason he and Jisoo breaks up. The boy from Sungmin’s taekwondo classes has been eyeing him and Sungmin’s never figured out why. After he and Jisoo have sex for the first time, though, he starts recognizing something a little closer to want in Junghwan’s dark eyes.
He wonders what it’s like with a boy. He wonders as he dances and cleans with the other trainees at SM, wonders as he’s kissing Jisoo’s sweet strawberry-flavored lips, wonders as he dreams, and as he touches himself in the shower.
One day in the locker rooms, Sungmin lets Junghwan push him up against the cold wall, lets him slide his fingers under the uniform and onto bare skin; lets him sink to his knees and make Sungmin come into his mouth.
Sungmin breaks up with Jisoo out of a wrenching, burning guilt.
3. Junsu
It’s not until Junsu that Sungmin realizes how much he enjoys sex. He and Junsu fumble together the first time, because Junsu’s never done it before, and his eyes shine with a sort of hero-worship that Sungmin is so experienced. Sungmin jerks him off in a dusty, deserted closet, and has to muffle a sneeze into Junsu’s shoulder. He learns the joys of fellatio on his knees in Junsu’s bedroom, hoping Junsu’s parents or older brother won’t hear Junsu’s ragged gasps.
“Wow,” says Junsu, sprawled on his bed afterwards, staring at the ceiling with the empty-mindedness of the truly well-sexed.
“Yeah,” agrees Sungmin, licking his lips. He thinks, damn, I’m pretty good.
4. Youngchae, the noona from hair-and-makeup who’d always had a soft spot for him
He tentatively tests out his newfound charms and is delighted at his success. He’s only seventeen when he manages to charm the noona from hair-and-makeup into sleeping with him. She’s twenty-five, and thinks he’s baby-faced and adorable. “You’re such a sweetheart,” she sighs, trailing her fingers along his cheek.
He blushes and plays innocent, and moans like he’s surprised when she touches him.
5. Youngwoon
Youngwoon’s the first member that Sungmin sleeps with. It’s not quite intentional, though Sungmin’s been curious for some time if sleeping around with his bandmates would fuck up the dynamics of the group.
He and Youngwoon have an interesting dynamic already, as it is. They’re not quite friends, and Youngwoon is sometimes an inconsiderate asshole the way he teases Sungmin, but they get along for the most part too. In a strange way, though neither of them quite likes the other that well, they also admire and respect each other.
And Sungmin has felt Youngwon’s eyes on him more than once. He knows his hyung finds him attractive. He suspects he would fuck hard and fast.
Sungmin’s always been a bit of a risk-taker. It’s the fiercer part of his personality that belies his pretty face.
Let’s go, he thinks, and crawls into Youngwoon’s bed one night, naked. He wraps his hand around Youngwoon’s cock and waits for him to wake up.
He gets fucked so hard he can barely walk the next day, and Siwon casts anxious looks at the bruises on his wrists, but Sungmin only smiles and waves him away, because he’s decided that a little fucking around with his bandmates is worth it.
6. Jungsu
Everyone knows that Jungsu and Youngwoon have a thing, and Sungmin knows better than all of them because Youngwoon’s tried-and-true method of keeping Jungsu from getting jealous is by sharing everyone he sleeps with. Jungsu’s anxious eyes can’t belie the way he grips Sungmin, hard, bruising, and Sungmin decides afterwards that it just isn’t worth it to get in the middle of his hyungs’ twisted, possessive relationship.
7. Hyukjae
After Jungsu and Youngwoon though, Sungmin grows sort of an appetite for his fellow trainees. He never means for Hyukjae to be next, but it just sort of happens. It sort of happens a few times. Sungmin can’t be blamed. Hyukjae just won’t shut up.
“I can’t believe Junsu’s not a virgin,” he says in fervently hushed tones. “And he won’t tell me who he slept with! What kind of stupid friend is that?”
“Have you never slept with anyone, Hyukkie?” Sungmin asks curiously.
Hyukjae flushes bright red. “N-n-no! I’m a good kid,” he defends. “I just haven’t, I mean, I’m only—”
And Sungmin would’ve left him well enough alone—well, except for incessant teasing, but that’s what friends were for—but Hyukjae can’t drop the subject. “I can’t believe Junsu’s had sex,” he exclaims as they were cleaning up after a late-night practice. “Seriously!”
“Seriously!” Sungmin throws up his hands. “Do you want to have sex?”
Hyukjae’s mouth falls open and works a few times, like a goldfish. Sungmin walks over, grabs his chin, and kisses him full on the mouth. And so it sort of happens. A few times. Hyukjae, Sungmin discovers, is not a bit quieter during sex, always gasping and whimpering and making small, hoarse sounds – but Sungmin finds that he doesn’t mind those nearly as much.
8. Donghae
It is only fair that Sungmin sleeps with Donghae after he sleeps with Hyukjae. The two are best friends, after all, and do everything together. Sungmin doesn’t want to ruin that.
So he corners Donghae a week after he sleeps with Hyukjae (for the fourth time).
“Hyung?” Donghae tilts his head to the side and gives him the patented wide-eyed, adorably confused look. Sungmin wants to hate Donghae for stealing it from him, but it comes to him so naturally that Sungmin can only smile and slip his hand over Donghae’s hip.
“You have some free time before you need to get home, right?” he asks, dipping his head and looking at Donghae from under his lashes.
“Yeah…I was gonna go play some video games with Yunho-hyung though…” He trails off when Sungmin’s fingers dip below his waistband. “Hyung,” he repeats, voice slightly higher. “What’re you doing?”
The next sounds from him are all incoherent, part-Sungmin’s name, part-pleading. Sungmin swallows him with purpose, hands gripping his trembling thighs.
9. Yoona
Yoona is a bit of an accident. Sungmin ends up sleeping with her because he’s trying to help Donghae win Jessica, and there is a lot of alcohol and a drinking game involved. Possibly stripping. He and Yoona wake up next to each other, groggy and hungover, and agree to never speak of it again.
10. Jongwoon
Jongwoon happens the night they debut, because they’re all high on adrenaline and excitement. Finally, seems to be the consensus of the eleven wide grins Sungmin runs into backstage.
But Sungmin thinks Jongwoon (Yesung, he tries out in his mind) says it best when he’s got his head back against the pillows and Sungmin hitched over his hips. “Fuck yeah,” he rasps.
11. Jessica
He’s not quite sure how to explain Jessica. He thinks maybe there’s just something about her. She’s been down since her break-up with Jaejoong, who’s been in Japan more and more frequently. They start by talking, because he’s a sympathetic ear. One night, it leads to cuddling, and suddenly it’s frantic kissing and roving hands, desperate and needy, grabbing for any bit of are skin.
He pushes her shirt up, sucks her breasts, and doesn’t stop to think about what he’s doing. She needs this and he wants this, and when he’s sliding into her, slick and tight, he gently kisses away the tears on her face.
They don’t talk about it afterwards; she rolls over and tugs the covers over her shoulders. Sungmin feathers his fingers comfortingly over her hip. Things will be okay, he believes, because she will get over Jaejoong in whatever ways that are best for her.
When she sleeps with him again the following week, Sungmin realizes that he’s part of her method of getting over Jaejoong. The look in her eyes is half-pleading, half-stubborn when she pulls him to her and presses her mouth to his, taking his hand and sliding it under her skirt.
“Okay,” he breathes into the kiss, because he can’t turn her down. There’s just something about her.
12. Ryeowook
Ryeowook has always been a soft spot of Sungmin’s. The younger man is always sweet, and earnest, and helpful. His patience is infinite, which is why Sungmin goes to him when he’s had a fight with Donghee or Hyukjae.
“I just don’t want to talk them,” he grumbles, throwing himself onto Ryeowook’s bed. “What the fuck was Donghee saying, calling me a slut? So I have more experience than he does. Where does that give him the right to criticize me?”
“I’m sorry, hyung,” Ryeowook says, just the right amount of sympathetic. He strokes Sungmin’s hair soothingly, and it’s then that Sungmin can imagine maybe kissing that sweet, innocent mouth of Ryeowook’s, and have those fingers clenching in his hair instead.
He sits up. “Ryeowookie.” A hand lands gently on Ryeowook’s thigh. “Can I kiss you?” Sungmin asks softly, tilting his head.
There are different approaches to different people. Sungmin thinks he’s close to mastering them all, as even Ryeowook falls into his lap in a mess of shuddering sighs and soft gasps.
13. that girl from the club who might’ve been a fan, but god he doesn’t want to think about that
Their schedule picks up, and their working hours grow longer and longer. Three weeks in, Sungmin finds himself horny as hell and frustrated because everyone he’s been around lately has begun to annoy him. He takes a night off, because otherwise he’ll kill someone. Slipping past security and nosy bandmates takes some work, but he manages it with some applied flirting and untruths, and finds himself in a noisy, dark club.
There, he fucks some girl against a back wall. He doesn’t know if she recognizes him. He doesn’t care, as he sucks hickeys onto her neck and chest, slipping his fingers between her legs and stroking her roughly. She throws her head back and moans, wordless, nameless, winding her arms around him, spreading her legs.
He feels dirty, but in a satisfying way, as she bites and claws and marks him in a way that reminds him that he’s alive, living outside just his career. She tastes like sour alcohol and smoke when he kisses her. Bitter, but alive.
14. Sooyoung
It takes two months of hosting Chunji with Sooyoung before Sungmin realizes he’s falling into something like love. It’s an uncertain feeling that he doesn’t know what to do with at first. So he lets it be, tries to ignore it, and just continue on with life as if nothing’s changed.
“Oppa,” Sooyoung says happily when she sees him at their nightly recording, all smiles, always so enthusiastic, and a long day suddenly melts away.
“Hey,” he says, smiling and ruffling her hair. “What’s my favorite idiot up to?”
“Oppa!” she protests, indignant but laughing. She steals his baseball cap and wears it through the entirety of the show. He teases her and plays cute and tries not to think about how much he wants to kiss her.
It takes three months after Sungmin realizes he’s in love before he realizes he doesn’t want to just fuck around with Sooyoung. He hasn’t slept with anyone in almost half a year, because he doesn’t care to. All he can see when he closes his eyes is Sooyoung: her smile, her smooth skin, the tumble of her long hair down her back.
Three months and two weeks after Sungmin realizes he’s in love, Sooyoung gets drunk at a company party. She sways on her heels and clutches at his arm, fighting to stay vertical. Behind her, bandmates and friends are laughing and talking loudly – a surreal background to the way Sooyoung looks at him from under her lashes.
“Oppa,” she whispers, pink lips and bright eyes, and he sighs, because he knows he can’t last against her.
She presses her body against his, warm and pliant, and looks hopeful.
He tells himself he’ll give her the best night of life, whether or not she can remember it in the morning. When he kisses his way down her body, he lingers, tender in a way he’s never been before. She moans his name when she comes, hips bucking, leg hooked around his back, and the sound imprints himself into his memory.
Sungmin never quite falls out of love with her, but he learns to move on. Their friendship is not worth risking after that one night.
15. Heechul
Sungmin doesn’t pine over Sooyoung because he knows better than to be foolish. But he spends a few weeks snappish and irritable, and Kyuhyun and Donghae look at him reproachfully for his temper. He almost feels bad, but then Youngwoon would say something else that made Sungmin want to hit him in the face, or something else would go wrong with his schedule.
“Fuck me,” Sungmin mutters after rehearsal, because now he has a pounding headache too.
“Maybe someone should,” Heechul says snidely, planting a hand on Sungmin’s chest and shoving back. “You’ve become the little ball of sunshine, haven’t you?”
Color rises in Sungmin’s cheeks and he purses his lips so he won’t snap back at Heechul.
“What’s the matter? You’ve picked up more of a princess attitude than me.” Heechul doesn’t wait for an answer as he backs Sungmin into a wall, and slides a hand between Sungmin’s legs. His grin is all teeth. “So?” he purrs, breath warm against Sungmin’s neck.
Sungmin swallows hard, as his anger transforms rapidly into lust. He feels himself hardening under Heechul’s touch.
What the hell, he thinks. Why not? He fists a hand in Heechul’s hair and tilts his chin up in challenge. “I think it’s you who’s gonna get fucked.”
16. Hankyung
Sungmin sleeps with Heechul as a form of stress relief, or as a bad habit. When Heechul pisses him off royally one day, Sungmin finds Hankyung, and pins him against the bed, and sucks his brain out through his dick. He licks and fondles and teases until Hankyung is a panting mess on the bed, and he presses his tongue up against the slit, and drags. Hankyung’s moans reverberate, loud, fingers clutching convulsively at the sheets, and Sungmin pulls away. He’s sliding Hankyung’s leaking cock into himself when Heechul bursts into the room, livid, and Sungmin almost comes immediately.
17. Siwon
Siwon fucks Sungmin because he’s drunk and because Heechul’s pulled strings. Sungmin doesn’t get how it’s supposed to be revenge and doesn’t care because Siwon is fucking gorgeous and huge and so, so careful. He’s a good boy at heart, Sungmin thinks with a little laugh, and then he proceeds to do everything he can to make Siwon lose that last bit of goodwill and charity, and just fuck Sungmin into the headboard.
Sungmin likes the marks he leaves on Siwon, vivid and red, and returns him to Heechul, well-used.
18. Kibum
“Hyung,” said Kibum, “can I ask you something?”
Sungmin looked up and smiled. “Sure. What’s up?”
“Can you…show me how to…please a guy?” Kibum’s not quite looking at him, and sounds as hesitant as he did when he first joined the band, years ago. Sungmin’s heart softens, because it’s rare to see Kibum so uncertain these days. He’s grown up to the point where even his bandmates have difficulty seeing his vulnerable side.
Sungmin beckons Kibum closer and wraps a friendly arm over Kibum’s shoulder. “Of course,” he says sunnily.
So that’s when Sungmin takes Kibum to bed, and their lessons continue for the better part of a week. He realizes they’re not quite discreet when Hyukjae turns red in their presence, and Jungsu looks tired and not sure if he should say something. Jongwoon gives them nasty looks, probably because his room is next to Sungmin’s, and Donghae looks more and more depressed.
“Hey,” Sungmin thinks to ask, a week later, between gasps as Kibum applies his newfound skills, “who’s the guy?”
Kibum lifts his head, licking his lips. “You’ll know by next week, hyung.” He pauses. “Hopefully.
Next week, Sungmin notices that Hyukjae still turns red in Kibum’s presence, but now it’s Kyuhyun who looks tired and irritable, and Donghae, who rooms next to Kyuhyun, has stopped looking so depressed.
Sungmin laughs.
19. Sunny
Sunny is practically Sungmin’s best friend, besides Sooyoung. He tells her everything. She tells him everything in return, about her band, about secrets she would never share with anyone else, about things he doesn’t care to know, like how painful monthly cramps are. She flirts with him unashamedly and he flirts right back, because it doesn’t mean anything between them, and never will.
Sungmin isn’t sure if he’s relieved or disappointed when Sunny replaces Sooyoung as his co-host on Chunji. He has fun, and it’s less painful to look at her, because he doesn’t experience occasional yearnings to kiss her but – he misses Sooyoung.
It is probably a bad idea to invite Sunny drinking afterwards, because they both have early schedules, and she’s not quite legal, but he buys her drinks and she keeps him company. “Sorry,” he sighs. “I just. I keep remembering that one night. And what it was like.”
“It’s okay,” Sunny tells him, and the way she says “oppa” afterwards, all warm and sympathetic makes the alcohol go straight to Sungmin’s head.
“Can I just?” He doesn’t know if it’s too much to ask of their friendship, but Sunny has always understood him a little bit better than he’s understood her. She understands now as she guides his mouth to hers, and later, in a hotel room, lets him lick her, slick and sweet. They kiss, and he slides into her, so, so carefully, keeping names locked between his teeth. She is more than he’ll ever deserve, and when she sighs, “Oppa,” all soft and breathy, he thinks he’ll never love anyone quite the way he loves her.
20. Henry
Henry clings to Sungmin when he comes because Sungmin is the first one to take a liking to him, and take him under his wing. He falls a bit in love with Henry’s wide eyes and violin and adorable unsurety. “I’ll show you the ropes,” Sungmin says with a grin, taking Henry’s hand. “Don’t worry.”
He shows Henry what it’s like to fuck in a closet, and how to hide an erection after an adrenaline-pumping performance. He teaches him how to kiss aggressively, how to suck cock, and sends him off to China with fondness, smiling at the way Henry blushes whenever Ryeowook’s around.
21. Jonghyun
Sungmin can’t really explain Jonghyun, but god does he love the kid’s voice, and the way he can actually carry off those skinny jeans. It only happens once, and Sungmin’s not sure if he’s the kid’s first or not (he also has the aplomb to carry off being a slut), but it doesn’t really matter. Sungmin gets him on his knees, cheeks stained red, eyes too bright, and later coaxes moans and whimpers from that pretty voice.
He likes the way Jonghyun grins at him later, licking his lips like it’s no big deal, pulling up his jeans with effort.
“Might have to get some looser pants,” he jokes, making a face. Sungmin laughs too, and wraps an affectionate arm around his shoulders.
“Try a skirt sometime,” he suggests, “it’s not as bad as it seems.”
Jonghyun quirks a smile at him, and Sungmin decides that he’s a pretty big fan of SHINee. He could do with more dongsaeng like this, instead of people like Kibum, who rolls his eyes at everything his hyungs do, or Kyuhyun, who makes all those snarky comments under his breath.
Sungmin kisses Jonghyun a fond farewell before they part their ways, and that’s the end of that.
22. Tiffany
Tiffany happens because he catches her crying in the men’s room – he doesn’t know how to explain that one – and she looks up, tear-stained, when he walks in. She scrubs at her eyes and pretends everything’s okay. He offers her a silent hug and pretends he doesn’t know why she’s sobbing, pretends he doesn’t know that all the hateful comments and the vicious boycotts at concerts tear at her little by little.
She’s a strong girl, and he admires her. They’ve always been good friends, though she’s never been his Sooyoung or Sunny. Now, though, she doesn’t need him to be her friend, not when she’s just desperate to pretend that everything is okay.
He lets her take charge, and they have sex in that deserted fifth-floor bathroom. They’re lucky no one walks in, and when he kisses her after, tasting himself, tasting her, in their mouths, he squeezes her hip in something like reassurance, the closest to friendship she’s going to let him get today.
23. Jaejoong
No one’s as thrilled as Heechul when DBSK comes back to Korea to promote Purple Line. Hyukjae gives him a good run for his money though, talking about Junsu every other word, always texting on his phone. Donghae’s bright-eyed about seeing Yunho again, Kibum clearly looks forward to talking with Changmin, and Hankyung and Yesung are joking about Jaejoong and Yoochun all the time.
Heechul laughs at their excitement, though he can barely contain his own, and announces to Sungmin via text message (they’ve continued an odd sort of friendship, almost like a rivalry): I’m going to fuck Jung Yunho until he goes blind.
Sungmin can’t let a challenge like that pass. He armors up with his charm and a little light cologne, puts on his favorite black dress shirt that gapes open just a tad at the neck, buttons unbuttoned. He visits their Dong Bang friends with a group of his bandmates, and goes to work.
Heechul’s got Yunho’s tied up in conversation, flirting and touching; Junsu’s run off to be ridiculous with Donghae and Hyukjae like the old days. Yoochun and Changmin are busy with other people, and Sungmin dismisses them, because the only one that matters is Kim Jaejoong.
His lips curl, and his hand lands on Jaejoong’s thigh. Sungmin can’t remember what they talk about, but within two hours, he’s got Jaejoong pinned against a wall, panting and glistening with sweat.
Sungmin hums around a mouthful of cock, swirling his tongue around the tip, swallowing a laugh when Jaejoong bites off a curse word and a whimper. He doesn’t bother hiding his smile later when Yunho and Heechul stumble into the room to find Sungmin sliding his fingers out of Jaejoong, coated with his favorite strawberry-flavored lube.
They are in Yunho’s room, after all.
24. Taemin
Sungmin feels terrible about Taemin at first, during rehearsal the night of Wonder Boys’ first performance. “H-hyung,” the boy pants in a trembling voice, clutching at Sungmin’s hair as Sungmin licks up his neck.
He feels less bad when Taemin rolls his hips impatiently and whines for it, breathy and needy. “Hyung, hyung,” he demands, “Come on. Heechul-hyung didn’t make me wait for it!”
Oh fuck Heechul, Sungmin thought, surging forward and capturing Taemin’s mouth with a kiss. He's going to top that experience by ten, at least. Taemin is going to only remember the shape of “Sungmin-hyung” in that little mouth of his.
25. Donghee
Donghee is one of Sungmin’s best friends in the group, the only one who’s neither hyung nor dongsaeng. They hang out a lot, and talk a lot. Donghee's the one who keeps his secret about Taemin, the one who listened when he cried over Sooyoung, the one who pulls him aside at last and tells him, “Sungminnie, I know sex isn’t a big deal for you, but you really should try to be more considerate. You know how he feels about you.”
Sungmin looks at him blankly. “Sorry, what?” he asks.
Donghee frowns. “Sungmin,” he says, and there’s a reproachful tone to his voice. “You know the way Kyuhyun looks at you.”
Sungmin blinks. “What?”
“What?” repeats Donghee, because he’s shocked that Sungmin doesn’t know. “Everyone knows.”
It’s food for thought, but Sungmin doesn’t want to think about. There’s a pressure building in his chest, and it gets hard to breathe. He doesn’t know what he means. He doesn’t want to know what it means, even though he suspects there’s reason his heart rate’s picked up
“He can’t like me,” he says at last, almost defensively. “I’m a slut. I’ve slept with everyone.”
Donghee raises an eyebrow. “You haven’t slept with me,” he says dryly.
Sungmin pounces on him and Donghee sputters – afterwards, he stares at the ceiling and sighs. “It wasn’t an invitation, Sungmin.” He runs a hand through Sungmin’s hair. “It doesn’t change anything though. You know that, right? You still have to deal with this.”
Sungmin rolls over, silent, and sits up. He pulls on his boxers and leaves, Donghee watching him from behind, his own silence meaningful.
Sungmin doesn’t talk to Kyuhyun on the phone that night, or for the next week. The distance between Korea and China suddenly doesn’t feel far enough for his whirling thoughts and his pounding heart.
26. Kyuhyun
“It took you long enough,” Kyuhyun mutters two months later. “I really thought I should just give up and start dating Zhou Mi.” There’s a quality to his voice that Sungmin can read, however, under the caustic scoff of his words.
Sungmin presses his fingers to Kyuhyun’s cheek, almost reverent, a little fearful, emotion flooding his chest. “Sorry,” he said with a little laugh. He pulls Kyuhyun closer under the covers and kisses his nose. “Sorry I was so stupid. Thank you for waiting for me.”
Kyuhyun smiles, and Sungmin recognizes the emotion in his chest as happiness.
“Let me be the last, okay, hyung?” he says softly.
“Okay,” Sungmin promises, and kisses him.
--
Lee Sungmin may have been a bit of a slut, but even he knows the difference between love and attraction.
--
Started: 2009.03.14
Finished: 2009.03.22
halcyon_morn, with love. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHRIS. Sorry this is not as awesome as it could be, because RL fucked me over. :( Have a slutty!Sungmin. I tried. ♥Love and Attraction
Super Junior, Sungmin/everyone, NC-17, 4465 words
Sungmin's what you might call a slut. But even he can tell the difference between love and attraction.
Love and Attraction
by
meitachiSo Lee Sungmin’s slept with twenty-six people. That doesn’t make him a slut, does it? He doesn’t think so.
1. Jisoo, the girl from church
The first time, Sungmin is sixteen. He’s already started training, but he still lives at home and goes to church with his parents. He’s had a crush on Jisoo for months before she asks him, hesitantly but smiling, if he wants to go out. His heart flutters and he’s sure he stutters, feeling like a fool, but he takes her hand.
Their first time is three months after they’ve been dating, and it’s awkward and fumbling and unsure and perfect all the same. Sungmin only knows vaguely what he’s doing, but Jisoo doesn’t seem to mind, and when he comes, he’s blinking back tears and hiding his face in the glistening curve of Jisoo’s neck.
2. Junghwan, the boy from taekwondo
Sungmin’s second time is the reason he and Jisoo breaks up. The boy from Sungmin’s taekwondo classes has been eyeing him and Sungmin’s never figured out why. After he and Jisoo have sex for the first time, though, he starts recognizing something a little closer to want in Junghwan’s dark eyes.
He wonders what it’s like with a boy. He wonders as he dances and cleans with the other trainees at SM, wonders as he’s kissing Jisoo’s sweet strawberry-flavored lips, wonders as he dreams, and as he touches himself in the shower.
One day in the locker rooms, Sungmin lets Junghwan push him up against the cold wall, lets him slide his fingers under the uniform and onto bare skin; lets him sink to his knees and make Sungmin come into his mouth.
Sungmin breaks up with Jisoo out of a wrenching, burning guilt.
3. Junsu
It’s not until Junsu that Sungmin realizes how much he enjoys sex. He and Junsu fumble together the first time, because Junsu’s never done it before, and his eyes shine with a sort of hero-worship that Sungmin is so experienced. Sungmin jerks him off in a dusty, deserted closet, and has to muffle a sneeze into Junsu’s shoulder. He learns the joys of fellatio on his knees in Junsu’s bedroom, hoping Junsu’s parents or older brother won’t hear Junsu’s ragged gasps.
“Wow,” says Junsu, sprawled on his bed afterwards, staring at the ceiling with the empty-mindedness of the truly well-sexed.
“Yeah,” agrees Sungmin, licking his lips. He thinks, damn, I’m pretty good.
4. Youngchae, the noona from hair-and-makeup who’d always had a soft spot for him
He tentatively tests out his newfound charms and is delighted at his success. He’s only seventeen when he manages to charm the noona from hair-and-makeup into sleeping with him. She’s twenty-five, and thinks he’s baby-faced and adorable. “You’re such a sweetheart,” she sighs, trailing her fingers along his cheek.
He blushes and plays innocent, and moans like he’s surprised when she touches him.
5. Youngwoon
Youngwoon’s the first member that Sungmin sleeps with. It’s not quite intentional, though Sungmin’s been curious for some time if sleeping around with his bandmates would fuck up the dynamics of the group.
He and Youngwoon have an interesting dynamic already, as it is. They’re not quite friends, and Youngwoon is sometimes an inconsiderate asshole the way he teases Sungmin, but they get along for the most part too. In a strange way, though neither of them quite likes the other that well, they also admire and respect each other.
And Sungmin has felt Youngwon’s eyes on him more than once. He knows his hyung finds him attractive. He suspects he would fuck hard and fast.
Sungmin’s always been a bit of a risk-taker. It’s the fiercer part of his personality that belies his pretty face.
Let’s go, he thinks, and crawls into Youngwoon’s bed one night, naked. He wraps his hand around Youngwoon’s cock and waits for him to wake up.
He gets fucked so hard he can barely walk the next day, and Siwon casts anxious looks at the bruises on his wrists, but Sungmin only smiles and waves him away, because he’s decided that a little fucking around with his bandmates is worth it.
6. Jungsu
Everyone knows that Jungsu and Youngwoon have a thing, and Sungmin knows better than all of them because Youngwoon’s tried-and-true method of keeping Jungsu from getting jealous is by sharing everyone he sleeps with. Jungsu’s anxious eyes can’t belie the way he grips Sungmin, hard, bruising, and Sungmin decides afterwards that it just isn’t worth it to get in the middle of his hyungs’ twisted, possessive relationship.
7. Hyukjae
After Jungsu and Youngwoon though, Sungmin grows sort of an appetite for his fellow trainees. He never means for Hyukjae to be next, but it just sort of happens. It sort of happens a few times. Sungmin can’t be blamed. Hyukjae just won’t shut up.
“I can’t believe Junsu’s not a virgin,” he says in fervently hushed tones. “And he won’t tell me who he slept with! What kind of stupid friend is that?”
“Have you never slept with anyone, Hyukkie?” Sungmin asks curiously.
Hyukjae flushes bright red. “N-n-no! I’m a good kid,” he defends. “I just haven’t, I mean, I’m only—”
And Sungmin would’ve left him well enough alone—well, except for incessant teasing, but that’s what friends were for—but Hyukjae can’t drop the subject. “I can’t believe Junsu’s had sex,” he exclaims as they were cleaning up after a late-night practice. “Seriously!”
“Seriously!” Sungmin throws up his hands. “Do you want to have sex?”
Hyukjae’s mouth falls open and works a few times, like a goldfish. Sungmin walks over, grabs his chin, and kisses him full on the mouth. And so it sort of happens. A few times. Hyukjae, Sungmin discovers, is not a bit quieter during sex, always gasping and whimpering and making small, hoarse sounds – but Sungmin finds that he doesn’t mind those nearly as much.
8. Donghae
It is only fair that Sungmin sleeps with Donghae after he sleeps with Hyukjae. The two are best friends, after all, and do everything together. Sungmin doesn’t want to ruin that.
So he corners Donghae a week after he sleeps with Hyukjae (for the fourth time).
“Hyung?” Donghae tilts his head to the side and gives him the patented wide-eyed, adorably confused look. Sungmin wants to hate Donghae for stealing it from him, but it comes to him so naturally that Sungmin can only smile and slip his hand over Donghae’s hip.
“You have some free time before you need to get home, right?” he asks, dipping his head and looking at Donghae from under his lashes.
“Yeah…I was gonna go play some video games with Yunho-hyung though…” He trails off when Sungmin’s fingers dip below his waistband. “Hyung,” he repeats, voice slightly higher. “What’re you doing?”
The next sounds from him are all incoherent, part-Sungmin’s name, part-pleading. Sungmin swallows him with purpose, hands gripping his trembling thighs.
9. Yoona
Yoona is a bit of an accident. Sungmin ends up sleeping with her because he’s trying to help Donghae win Jessica, and there is a lot of alcohol and a drinking game involved. Possibly stripping. He and Yoona wake up next to each other, groggy and hungover, and agree to never speak of it again.
10. Jongwoon
Jongwoon happens the night they debut, because they’re all high on adrenaline and excitement. Finally, seems to be the consensus of the eleven wide grins Sungmin runs into backstage.
But Sungmin thinks Jongwoon (Yesung, he tries out in his mind) says it best when he’s got his head back against the pillows and Sungmin hitched over his hips. “Fuck yeah,” he rasps.
11. Jessica
He’s not quite sure how to explain Jessica. He thinks maybe there’s just something about her. She’s been down since her break-up with Jaejoong, who’s been in Japan more and more frequently. They start by talking, because he’s a sympathetic ear. One night, it leads to cuddling, and suddenly it’s frantic kissing and roving hands, desperate and needy, grabbing for any bit of are skin.
He pushes her shirt up, sucks her breasts, and doesn’t stop to think about what he’s doing. She needs this and he wants this, and when he’s sliding into her, slick and tight, he gently kisses away the tears on her face.
They don’t talk about it afterwards; she rolls over and tugs the covers over her shoulders. Sungmin feathers his fingers comfortingly over her hip. Things will be okay, he believes, because she will get over Jaejoong in whatever ways that are best for her.
When she sleeps with him again the following week, Sungmin realizes that he’s part of her method of getting over Jaejoong. The look in her eyes is half-pleading, half-stubborn when she pulls him to her and presses her mouth to his, taking his hand and sliding it under her skirt.
“Okay,” he breathes into the kiss, because he can’t turn her down. There’s just something about her.
12. Ryeowook
Ryeowook has always been a soft spot of Sungmin’s. The younger man is always sweet, and earnest, and helpful. His patience is infinite, which is why Sungmin goes to him when he’s had a fight with Donghee or Hyukjae.
“I just don’t want to talk them,” he grumbles, throwing himself onto Ryeowook’s bed. “What the fuck was Donghee saying, calling me a slut? So I have more experience than he does. Where does that give him the right to criticize me?”
“I’m sorry, hyung,” Ryeowook says, just the right amount of sympathetic. He strokes Sungmin’s hair soothingly, and it’s then that Sungmin can imagine maybe kissing that sweet, innocent mouth of Ryeowook’s, and have those fingers clenching in his hair instead.
He sits up. “Ryeowookie.” A hand lands gently on Ryeowook’s thigh. “Can I kiss you?” Sungmin asks softly, tilting his head.
There are different approaches to different people. Sungmin thinks he’s close to mastering them all, as even Ryeowook falls into his lap in a mess of shuddering sighs and soft gasps.
13. that girl from the club who might’ve been a fan, but god he doesn’t want to think about that
Their schedule picks up, and their working hours grow longer and longer. Three weeks in, Sungmin finds himself horny as hell and frustrated because everyone he’s been around lately has begun to annoy him. He takes a night off, because otherwise he’ll kill someone. Slipping past security and nosy bandmates takes some work, but he manages it with some applied flirting and untruths, and finds himself in a noisy, dark club.
There, he fucks some girl against a back wall. He doesn’t know if she recognizes him. He doesn’t care, as he sucks hickeys onto her neck and chest, slipping his fingers between her legs and stroking her roughly. She throws her head back and moans, wordless, nameless, winding her arms around him, spreading her legs.
He feels dirty, but in a satisfying way, as she bites and claws and marks him in a way that reminds him that he’s alive, living outside just his career. She tastes like sour alcohol and smoke when he kisses her. Bitter, but alive.
14. Sooyoung
It takes two months of hosting Chunji with Sooyoung before Sungmin realizes he’s falling into something like love. It’s an uncertain feeling that he doesn’t know what to do with at first. So he lets it be, tries to ignore it, and just continue on with life as if nothing’s changed.
“Oppa,” Sooyoung says happily when she sees him at their nightly recording, all smiles, always so enthusiastic, and a long day suddenly melts away.
“Hey,” he says, smiling and ruffling her hair. “What’s my favorite idiot up to?”
“Oppa!” she protests, indignant but laughing. She steals his baseball cap and wears it through the entirety of the show. He teases her and plays cute and tries not to think about how much he wants to kiss her.
It takes three months after Sungmin realizes he’s in love before he realizes he doesn’t want to just fuck around with Sooyoung. He hasn’t slept with anyone in almost half a year, because he doesn’t care to. All he can see when he closes his eyes is Sooyoung: her smile, her smooth skin, the tumble of her long hair down her back.
Three months and two weeks after Sungmin realizes he’s in love, Sooyoung gets drunk at a company party. She sways on her heels and clutches at his arm, fighting to stay vertical. Behind her, bandmates and friends are laughing and talking loudly – a surreal background to the way Sooyoung looks at him from under her lashes.
“Oppa,” she whispers, pink lips and bright eyes, and he sighs, because he knows he can’t last against her.
She presses her body against his, warm and pliant, and looks hopeful.
He tells himself he’ll give her the best night of life, whether or not she can remember it in the morning. When he kisses his way down her body, he lingers, tender in a way he’s never been before. She moans his name when she comes, hips bucking, leg hooked around his back, and the sound imprints himself into his memory.
Sungmin never quite falls out of love with her, but he learns to move on. Their friendship is not worth risking after that one night.
15. Heechul
Sungmin doesn’t pine over Sooyoung because he knows better than to be foolish. But he spends a few weeks snappish and irritable, and Kyuhyun and Donghae look at him reproachfully for his temper. He almost feels bad, but then Youngwoon would say something else that made Sungmin want to hit him in the face, or something else would go wrong with his schedule.
“Fuck me,” Sungmin mutters after rehearsal, because now he has a pounding headache too.
“Maybe someone should,” Heechul says snidely, planting a hand on Sungmin’s chest and shoving back. “You’ve become the little ball of sunshine, haven’t you?”
Color rises in Sungmin’s cheeks and he purses his lips so he won’t snap back at Heechul.
“What’s the matter? You’ve picked up more of a princess attitude than me.” Heechul doesn’t wait for an answer as he backs Sungmin into a wall, and slides a hand between Sungmin’s legs. His grin is all teeth. “So?” he purrs, breath warm against Sungmin’s neck.
Sungmin swallows hard, as his anger transforms rapidly into lust. He feels himself hardening under Heechul’s touch.
What the hell, he thinks. Why not? He fists a hand in Heechul’s hair and tilts his chin up in challenge. “I think it’s you who’s gonna get fucked.”
16. Hankyung
Sungmin sleeps with Heechul as a form of stress relief, or as a bad habit. When Heechul pisses him off royally one day, Sungmin finds Hankyung, and pins him against the bed, and sucks his brain out through his dick. He licks and fondles and teases until Hankyung is a panting mess on the bed, and he presses his tongue up against the slit, and drags. Hankyung’s moans reverberate, loud, fingers clutching convulsively at the sheets, and Sungmin pulls away. He’s sliding Hankyung’s leaking cock into himself when Heechul bursts into the room, livid, and Sungmin almost comes immediately.
17. Siwon
Siwon fucks Sungmin because he’s drunk and because Heechul’s pulled strings. Sungmin doesn’t get how it’s supposed to be revenge and doesn’t care because Siwon is fucking gorgeous and huge and so, so careful. He’s a good boy at heart, Sungmin thinks with a little laugh, and then he proceeds to do everything he can to make Siwon lose that last bit of goodwill and charity, and just fuck Sungmin into the headboard.
Sungmin likes the marks he leaves on Siwon, vivid and red, and returns him to Heechul, well-used.
18. Kibum
“Hyung,” said Kibum, “can I ask you something?”
Sungmin looked up and smiled. “Sure. What’s up?”
“Can you…show me how to…please a guy?” Kibum’s not quite looking at him, and sounds as hesitant as he did when he first joined the band, years ago. Sungmin’s heart softens, because it’s rare to see Kibum so uncertain these days. He’s grown up to the point where even his bandmates have difficulty seeing his vulnerable side.
Sungmin beckons Kibum closer and wraps a friendly arm over Kibum’s shoulder. “Of course,” he says sunnily.
So that’s when Sungmin takes Kibum to bed, and their lessons continue for the better part of a week. He realizes they’re not quite discreet when Hyukjae turns red in their presence, and Jungsu looks tired and not sure if he should say something. Jongwoon gives them nasty looks, probably because his room is next to Sungmin’s, and Donghae looks more and more depressed.
“Hey,” Sungmin thinks to ask, a week later, between gasps as Kibum applies his newfound skills, “who’s the guy?”
Kibum lifts his head, licking his lips. “You’ll know by next week, hyung.” He pauses. “Hopefully.
Next week, Sungmin notices that Hyukjae still turns red in Kibum’s presence, but now it’s Kyuhyun who looks tired and irritable, and Donghae, who rooms next to Kyuhyun, has stopped looking so depressed.
Sungmin laughs.
19. Sunny
Sunny is practically Sungmin’s best friend, besides Sooyoung. He tells her everything. She tells him everything in return, about her band, about secrets she would never share with anyone else, about things he doesn’t care to know, like how painful monthly cramps are. She flirts with him unashamedly and he flirts right back, because it doesn’t mean anything between them, and never will.
Sungmin isn’t sure if he’s relieved or disappointed when Sunny replaces Sooyoung as his co-host on Chunji. He has fun, and it’s less painful to look at her, because he doesn’t experience occasional yearnings to kiss her but – he misses Sooyoung.
It is probably a bad idea to invite Sunny drinking afterwards, because they both have early schedules, and she’s not quite legal, but he buys her drinks and she keeps him company. “Sorry,” he sighs. “I just. I keep remembering that one night. And what it was like.”
“It’s okay,” Sunny tells him, and the way she says “oppa” afterwards, all warm and sympathetic makes the alcohol go straight to Sungmin’s head.
“Can I just?” He doesn’t know if it’s too much to ask of their friendship, but Sunny has always understood him a little bit better than he’s understood her. She understands now as she guides his mouth to hers, and later, in a hotel room, lets him lick her, slick and sweet. They kiss, and he slides into her, so, so carefully, keeping names locked between his teeth. She is more than he’ll ever deserve, and when she sighs, “Oppa,” all soft and breathy, he thinks he’ll never love anyone quite the way he loves her.
20. Henry
Henry clings to Sungmin when he comes because Sungmin is the first one to take a liking to him, and take him under his wing. He falls a bit in love with Henry’s wide eyes and violin and adorable unsurety. “I’ll show you the ropes,” Sungmin says with a grin, taking Henry’s hand. “Don’t worry.”
He shows Henry what it’s like to fuck in a closet, and how to hide an erection after an adrenaline-pumping performance. He teaches him how to kiss aggressively, how to suck cock, and sends him off to China with fondness, smiling at the way Henry blushes whenever Ryeowook’s around.
21. Jonghyun
Sungmin can’t really explain Jonghyun, but god does he love the kid’s voice, and the way he can actually carry off those skinny jeans. It only happens once, and Sungmin’s not sure if he’s the kid’s first or not (he also has the aplomb to carry off being a slut), but it doesn’t really matter. Sungmin gets him on his knees, cheeks stained red, eyes too bright, and later coaxes moans and whimpers from that pretty voice.
He likes the way Jonghyun grins at him later, licking his lips like it’s no big deal, pulling up his jeans with effort.
“Might have to get some looser pants,” he jokes, making a face. Sungmin laughs too, and wraps an affectionate arm around his shoulders.
“Try a skirt sometime,” he suggests, “it’s not as bad as it seems.”
Jonghyun quirks a smile at him, and Sungmin decides that he’s a pretty big fan of SHINee. He could do with more dongsaeng like this, instead of people like Kibum, who rolls his eyes at everything his hyungs do, or Kyuhyun, who makes all those snarky comments under his breath.
Sungmin kisses Jonghyun a fond farewell before they part their ways, and that’s the end of that.
22. Tiffany
Tiffany happens because he catches her crying in the men’s room – he doesn’t know how to explain that one – and she looks up, tear-stained, when he walks in. She scrubs at her eyes and pretends everything’s okay. He offers her a silent hug and pretends he doesn’t know why she’s sobbing, pretends he doesn’t know that all the hateful comments and the vicious boycotts at concerts tear at her little by little.
She’s a strong girl, and he admires her. They’ve always been good friends, though she’s never been his Sooyoung or Sunny. Now, though, she doesn’t need him to be her friend, not when she’s just desperate to pretend that everything is okay.
He lets her take charge, and they have sex in that deserted fifth-floor bathroom. They’re lucky no one walks in, and when he kisses her after, tasting himself, tasting her, in their mouths, he squeezes her hip in something like reassurance, the closest to friendship she’s going to let him get today.
23. Jaejoong
No one’s as thrilled as Heechul when DBSK comes back to Korea to promote Purple Line. Hyukjae gives him a good run for his money though, talking about Junsu every other word, always texting on his phone. Donghae’s bright-eyed about seeing Yunho again, Kibum clearly looks forward to talking with Changmin, and Hankyung and Yesung are joking about Jaejoong and Yoochun all the time.
Heechul laughs at their excitement, though he can barely contain his own, and announces to Sungmin via text message (they’ve continued an odd sort of friendship, almost like a rivalry): I’m going to fuck Jung Yunho until he goes blind.
Sungmin can’t let a challenge like that pass. He armors up with his charm and a little light cologne, puts on his favorite black dress shirt that gapes open just a tad at the neck, buttons unbuttoned. He visits their Dong Bang friends with a group of his bandmates, and goes to work.
Heechul’s got Yunho’s tied up in conversation, flirting and touching; Junsu’s run off to be ridiculous with Donghae and Hyukjae like the old days. Yoochun and Changmin are busy with other people, and Sungmin dismisses them, because the only one that matters is Kim Jaejoong.
His lips curl, and his hand lands on Jaejoong’s thigh. Sungmin can’t remember what they talk about, but within two hours, he’s got Jaejoong pinned against a wall, panting and glistening with sweat.
Sungmin hums around a mouthful of cock, swirling his tongue around the tip, swallowing a laugh when Jaejoong bites off a curse word and a whimper. He doesn’t bother hiding his smile later when Yunho and Heechul stumble into the room to find Sungmin sliding his fingers out of Jaejoong, coated with his favorite strawberry-flavored lube.
They are in Yunho’s room, after all.
24. Taemin
Sungmin feels terrible about Taemin at first, during rehearsal the night of Wonder Boys’ first performance. “H-hyung,” the boy pants in a trembling voice, clutching at Sungmin’s hair as Sungmin licks up his neck.
He feels less bad when Taemin rolls his hips impatiently and whines for it, breathy and needy. “Hyung, hyung,” he demands, “Come on. Heechul-hyung didn’t make me wait for it!”
Oh fuck Heechul, Sungmin thought, surging forward and capturing Taemin’s mouth with a kiss. He's going to top that experience by ten, at least. Taemin is going to only remember the shape of “Sungmin-hyung” in that little mouth of his.
25. Donghee
Donghee is one of Sungmin’s best friends in the group, the only one who’s neither hyung nor dongsaeng. They hang out a lot, and talk a lot. Donghee's the one who keeps his secret about Taemin, the one who listened when he cried over Sooyoung, the one who pulls him aside at last and tells him, “Sungminnie, I know sex isn’t a big deal for you, but you really should try to be more considerate. You know how he feels about you.”
Sungmin looks at him blankly. “Sorry, what?” he asks.
Donghee frowns. “Sungmin,” he says, and there’s a reproachful tone to his voice. “You know the way Kyuhyun looks at you.”
Sungmin blinks. “What?”
“What?” repeats Donghee, because he’s shocked that Sungmin doesn’t know. “Everyone knows.”
It’s food for thought, but Sungmin doesn’t want to think about. There’s a pressure building in his chest, and it gets hard to breathe. He doesn’t know what he means. He doesn’t want to know what it means, even though he suspects there’s reason his heart rate’s picked up
“He can’t like me,” he says at last, almost defensively. “I’m a slut. I’ve slept with everyone.”
Donghee raises an eyebrow. “You haven’t slept with me,” he says dryly.
Sungmin pounces on him and Donghee sputters – afterwards, he stares at the ceiling and sighs. “It wasn’t an invitation, Sungmin.” He runs a hand through Sungmin’s hair. “It doesn’t change anything though. You know that, right? You still have to deal with this.”
Sungmin rolls over, silent, and sits up. He pulls on his boxers and leaves, Donghee watching him from behind, his own silence meaningful.
Sungmin doesn’t talk to Kyuhyun on the phone that night, or for the next week. The distance between Korea and China suddenly doesn’t feel far enough for his whirling thoughts and his pounding heart.
26. Kyuhyun
“It took you long enough,” Kyuhyun mutters two months later. “I really thought I should just give up and start dating Zhou Mi.” There’s a quality to his voice that Sungmin can read, however, under the caustic scoff of his words.
Sungmin presses his fingers to Kyuhyun’s cheek, almost reverent, a little fearful, emotion flooding his chest. “Sorry,” he said with a little laugh. He pulls Kyuhyun closer under the covers and kisses his nose. “Sorry I was so stupid. Thank you for waiting for me.”
Kyuhyun smiles, and Sungmin recognizes the emotion in his chest as happiness.
“Let me be the last, okay, hyung?” he says softly.
“Okay,” Sungmin promises, and kisses him.
--
Lee Sungmin may have been a bit of a slut, but even he knows the difference between love and attraction.
--
Started: 2009.03.14
Finished: 2009.03.22
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