[Super Junior/ZLY] 普通朋友 (Regular Friends), PG, Romance, Zhou Mi/ZLY

[meiface.livejournal.com]

For myiuchan, who wanted Zhou Mi/Zhang Li Yin. I had no idea this was going to go so long. I had no idea what I was doing, but idk, randomly I find het really adorable right now. Plotting Donghae hetsex fic in my head. Warnings: 2nd person, because WTF. I almost never write this POV.


普通朋友 (Regular Friends)
Super Junior (M), Zhou Mi/Zhang Li Yin, PG, 2115 words
Sometimes, you're not in love with who you think you are.


普通朋友 (Regular Friends)
by meiface

You've probably never fallen for someone so fast, you tell her, embarrassed. And it's strange, so strange - you forgot what it was like for your heart to beat double, triple, staccato in your chest. You forgot what it's like to fumble for words, not just in another language, but in your own.

It's strange and wrong on so many levels, you sigh, because you know that, of the two roads diverged in a yellow wood, you took the one less traveled by.

"You make it hard for yourself, ge," she says sympathetically, a hand on your own.

You never meant to. You never meant to fall for another guy, and worse, for another band member. You never meant to look at him and want, want him to smile, want him to laugh, want him to turn to you with those dark, lovely eyes.

"It's so stupid," you groan, burying your face in your hands. "I'm so stupid."

She presses against your side, warm, and a hand strokes your back reassuringly. "We don't get to pick the people we fall in love with," she says. "Don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe it will pass."

You wonder. You hope. It was exhilarating at first, the butterflies in your stomach and the giddiness whenever you made him laugh. Your heart fluttered with the best of the sappy romantic clichés when he started returning your smiles, hugging you, not leaning away when you lean on him. You'd almost let yourself start hoping for more.

But then you see his eyes flicker to the interviewer's long legs, see the curve of his smile when he replies to her question in halting Chinese. He flirts, even in a language he doesn't know well, and they love him. He's only playing, because none of you can consider a serious relationship right now but—

"It's okay," she says when you stop, because it hurts too much. "Just give it time, ge."

It hurts that you can't have him, even though you knew you never would.

You sigh and slide down in your seat, tilting your head back against the edge of the couch. Your eyes close. "I know," you say dimly. "Just time and I'll be fine."

***

She's become one of your best friends, which doesn't surprise you. It was natural to seek camaraderie as the only two Chinese trainees at SM for so long. Han Geng-ge doesn't count, though both of you are close to him; he's debuted. He's an idol with hordes of fans. Even if he remembers the hard days of training, and you know he does, it's not the same because he's living a different life now. He has his own group, his own bandmates to worry about and spend time with.

You and she spend a lot of time together outside of your vocal lessons and Korean lessons. You always speak Mandarin.

It's like a piece of home when you can chatter away in your native tongue at her. It's memory and remembrance that, yes, this is your dream, and you are going to have to make sacrifices for it—but in the end, it's still China that you want to return to. It's China where you want to make your break and leave a mark.

"I hear they're going to put you in a band," she says wistfully, walking down the street with a few shopping bags on her arm. It's been a long week and you thought she deserved a break. You just want to take her mind off things, so you slide an arm around her a quick hug and a smile.

"There have been talks," you say noncommittally, "but don't worry. You'll be fine on your own. You know that, Liyin."

She makes a little face. "It'll just be lonely. And practically everyone will be speaking Korean all the time."

"Hey, your Korean's better than mine. You've got nothing to be worried about." You squeeze her shoulder until she looks up at you and smiles, and then you let her go. She's like a little sister to you, sometimes, you think. But never quite. You've never forgotten how beautiful she is, classic long black hair, smooth skin, and those wide, dark eyes. She's always known how to dress too, to play up her best features.

"You're staring," she says, raising an eyebrow. You laugh.

"Sorry, sorry. I was just momentarily enraptured by your beauty, miss. May I have your name? Maybe your phone number?"

She makes another face and nudges you in the side with her elbow. "Ge, I think it's time you brushed up on your MC skills. Your delivery is severely lacking."

You pout at her until she laughs.

***

The first time you meet Kyuhyun, you don't think much of him. He seemed nice, but on the quiet side.

The first time you hear him sing, you feel your breath still in your throat and you know that you have to get to know him better.

The first time you fall in love with a guy, it's with Zhao Kui Xian.

***

"He's like a totally different person in China and in Korea," you complain to her. You don't know why this bothers you so much. "Cho Kyuhyun just. He's not the same as Kui Xian, and I don't get it, and just." You stop, frustrated, and cross your arms. You know you're sulking but you don't care. She's seen you at your best and worst.

Today, though, she seems distant. She hardly looks at you and when she does, her eyes are faraway.

"Maybe you don't know him like you thought you did," she says quietly.

You think about that, because you're friends with Kyuhyun too, in Korea. But here, in Korea, he doesn't look at you the same. He doesn't smile at you the same. He talks with Jungsu, instead, and spends time with Jongwoon, and smiles those smiles for Sungmin, bright enough to light the world. You hate it.

She moves and your eyes drift to her. She's moving things around in her small kitchen, cabinet doors opening and closing with a bang.

"What're you doing?" you call.

"Making hot chocolate," she replies. It's May, so you blink at her in confusion.

"Liyin, it's 35 degrees outside," you say. You love a good cup of hot chocolate in the winter, with bitter Seoul winds blowing outside, but it is frankly too warm right now even for you to enjoy it. You get to your feet and make your way to the kitchen, peering over her shoulder as she dumps a packet of cocoa powder into a mug. "What're you doing?"

She glances at you, then away. She's nervous, you realize.

"What's the matter?" you ask her, a tentative hand resting lightly on her hip.

"Mi," she says. She looks down at the counter. "Mi, ge."

"What's wrong?"

You can't help the worry. You know her so well, you think you would know if something were wrong. But it's been a long time since you've seen her. You've been in China with Super Junior M, promoting and falling in love and hating yourself. She's had her own activities, her own album to record and promote and her own world of fans to stun with her dazzling smile and her powerful voice. You worry something happened in those long months apart. You talked, always, on the phone - but it wasn't the same. What if she kept something from you?

"Never mind," she says, moving away from you to the stove. The water is boiling now, bubbling, and the teakettle shrieks. You back up slightly to give her room, but you haven't let go.

"Liyin, please," you say. "Tell me if something's wrong. Don't make me worry like this. You know I just want to help."

She gives you a helpless look over her shoulder and pours the water into the mug without a word. You wait.

She turns towards you at last, after she has set the kettle back on the stove. "You're right. You're right, I should tell you." She's more nervous than ever, fidgeting her hands, shifting her weight. You know her so well, you think, and your eyes trace the way her hair escapes from her loose ponytail and curls around her neck.

"I like you," she says. "I like you, ge. And I'm sorry, because I know you like Kui Xian, but please, I can't listen to you talk about him anymore." She looks at you resolutely, her chin set.

You stare at her.

Maybe you don't know her as well as you think.

***

It's been three weeks since you've seen her and at least two since you've talked. She called you a week after you said, "I-I'm sorry. I had no idea. I..." You'd stopped because you didn't want to hurt her. But you didn't know what to say.

She called and said, calmly, in a way you knew that meant she was doing her level best to keep her voice from shaking, "I think we need some time apart to think about things. I...I'll probably get over my feelings with time. Don't worry about it."

You haven't heard from her since.

You don't think you've stopped thinking about her for a day of those long three weeks.

***

"Hey hyung."

You look up from the giant stuffed Hello Kitty you're clutching absentmindedly in your arms. "Hi, Kyuhyun," you say, managing a wide smile. You are glad to see him. You're glad for the break from your thoughts.

He sits down on your bed and gives you a puzzled smile. "Why are you still clutching that?"

"Oh." You laugh and loosen your arms. You had all won giant stuffed animals on the show you had filmed earlier in the day, and you are exceptionally fond of your Hello Kitty. Kyuhyun teases you for it, but he always does. It's the way you two are - comfortable and familiar, like the best of friends.

You freeze.

"Hyung," he says and you stare blankly at him.

Best of friends?

"I noticed you and Liyin haven't talked in a long time. Are you okay?"

He knows how close you are with her. He's witnessed your nightly phone calls to her, loud and gossipy like you like them best. He's laughed at you, laughed with you, talked to her too. He knows how important she is to you. He would notice if you haven't talked to her in a month.

"We...I. She said—" You look at him and you can feel your heart sinking.

He smiles at you. "Your Korean's as good as ever," he jokes lightly. But then he tilts his head, curious and listening.

"She confessed to me," you find yourself saying, stumbling slightly in Korean, at the emotion caught up in your chest. "She confessed to me and I...didn't say anything. I couldn't. I didn't feel the same, I thought." Now you're babbling, but he's still listening, and you can't help yourself.

"I thought I loved you, Kui Xian," you say.

You hold your breath.

He blinks, startled. He sits back and you're afraid of what might come next, but all he says is, "You thought you loved me? But you don't?" His voice is mild, his expression unreadable.

You open your mouth, then close it. You open it again and take a deep breath.

"I do love you," you say quietly. "I love you a lot, Kui Xian. But...only as a friend, I think. I think you're one of my best friends." He watches you with those dark eyes you remember once dreaming about. They're steady and, somehow, they give you courage. "You're important to me and, and I hope I'm important to you. But I think...I think I love Liyin."

Saying it aloud is terrifying and real and makes you realize, by god, you do. You love your little Liyin, with her pretty smile and her loud laughs and her subtle jabs about your Korean. You love her voice when she sings, and the way she cares about people, still anxious and polite when she has rubbed elbows with so many famous, successful people.

You realize, dazed, that Kyuhyun is smiling at you, that knowing smile that makes so many of his Super Junior hyungs despair at his inability to be a proper magnae.

"I love you too, hyung," he says. "But I think you should call Liyin."

***

You do. She cries.

You think about the next time you'll see her, both of you back in Korea, and you'll pull her into your arms and tuck her head under your chin. You think you won't let go this time.



--

Started/Finished: 2009.06.03

Notes: This was so hard to tag. orz